Not the happiest man in Manchester

 

Both teams were through anyway, but it was Chelsea who managed to maintain their fearsome reputation (thanks, John Terry!), whilst, for the first time in eight years, Man United lost a Champions League match at home. Ben Foster had a rather iffy night, by all accounts. Here are all two of the goals…

Porto 0-1 Chelsea

Man United 0-1 Besiktas

Honestly, what’s not to love, Nemanja?

With their safe voyage into the next round already guaranteed, both Chelsea and Man United will be looking to give some lesser known faces a run out tonight. That means a likely start for Welbeck, Gibson and Obertan against Besiktas for United. Whilst Chelsea’s forgotten man Zhirkov steps in for the injured Ashley Cole against Porto, with a possible spot on the bench for Kakuta.

In other Man United related news, the smooth talking businessmen who run things in Holland are once again attempting to lure Edwin van der Sar back into a tight-fitting international shirt for next year’s World Cup. Proceedings are still very much at the “could do” phase, according to The Guardian.

And Nemanja Vidic has seemingly dropped the rather surprising bombshell that not everyone can be seduced by the awe-inspiring panoramic views of beautiful Manchester, with its thick, almost solid, air and impressively grey skyline. The consensus in the Daily Mail seems to be that he and his wife, Ana, shall be tottering around Spanish fish markets in the not too distant future.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on the internet…

… plus some lovely dancing, featuring Drogba, Eboue and Kalou [courtesy of Off The Post] 

The new Bobby Davro does Henry, Mourinho, Benitez and more…

[101 Great Goals]

Luli Fernandez - a rather attractive Argentina WAG

[Pies]

Iker Casillas gets all macho about it

[Kickette]

Who wants to know who the Asian Player of the Year is?

[The Offside]

Cartoon suggestion for Rafa Benitez

[Studs Up]

One of Defoe’s women slips into something very very small

[Caught Offside]

Liverpool Bait

[Official End of Season Party]

With the emphasis on MAY

If you heard a strange noise that was a bit like a cotton wool ball smashing into a microphone this morning, chances are that you were in Chelsea or Manchester. Don’t waste the rest of the day trying to figure out what it was, it was just the sound of around fifty ears suddenly pricking up in unison, with news that David Villa hasn’t completely counted out a career move to the Premier League.

Such news will obviously spark an almighty game of show-me-the-money between Chelsea, and Mans United and City, with the player likely to cost around £35 million upwards. The whisper coming from all of the most luxurious football saunas - or more specifically, from The Daily Mail - is that John Terry desperately wants him at Chelsea.

But before you get too hysterical, here’s what the Valencia man actually said:

“Honestly? There can be a thousand scenarios, I’m not saying that I am opening the doors to anywhere, but I’m not closing them. Neither Europe nor Africa, nor to America, nor Korea*. I don’t shut the door to anywhere because I have a short career and I want to enjoy it.”

* A Spoiler hunch suggests that the Korea door might actually be shut.

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Granted, it is the Sack Race…

After ten losses from thirteen games, it must be nice for Paul Hart to win something, even if it is the sack race.

He’s had a torrid time in the last couple of months at Portsmouth, as the club crumbled around him, with financial problems, confusing takeovers, and the fact that pretty much every decent player on his books was shipped off elsewhere.

As reported in today’s Daily Mail, the final insult came when the Fratton Park honchos offered him the role of technical director, which he is believed to have said that he would consider, not long before they included this in a statement:

“Paul was offered the role of technical director, developing players from the ages of 18-21, but declined the position.”

Yeah, probably time to take the hint, Paul.

The favourites to fill his rather unappealing shoes are Avram Grant - who got the thumbs up from Harry Redknapp - and Sir Alex Ferguson’s little boy, Darren. 

The New Thierry Henry, so they say

The news from the tabloids is that Arsene Wenger is going to spend the summer attempting to lure speedy strikers in the direction of the Emirates, most probably by waving around £15-20 million at their clubs.

According to The Sun, he’s been eyeing up Villa’s Gabi Agbonlahor for a couple of years now, but has always been rather put off by the striker’s inconsistency, which sheds no light whatsoever on what drew him to Nicklas Bendtner.

But the whisper is that if the striker continues to do well, Arsenal might launch a £17 million attack in the summer. He certainly has the right mix of speed and power that appears to float the Frenchman’s onions.

Through to the next bit…

And lo, as Liverpool were cast into the putrid pit of Europa League football, over in North London, the gentlemen who make up the Arsenal team were trotting their way into the shiny knockout phase of the Champions League. Below are all of the goals…

Arsenal 2-0 Standard Liege

It was business as usual, as Wenger’s men strode through to qualification for the knockout stages. The whole thing only slightly ruined by injuries to Gallas and Gibbs.