Crime on Merseyside

Alex Curran confronted by the Liverpool burglars

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Does the WAG hold the key to the pilfering mystery?

Jack The Ripper, the Zodiac murders, the sandwich that was stolen from the Spoiler’s fridge last week – all unsolved crimes that have dominated the agendas of law enforcement officers the world over.

The latest mystery to plague their thoughts is the Liverpool burglaries – last night Stevie G became the sixth player in eighteen months to have his home ransacked while he was out of the country. His WAG Alex Curran was confronted by four men in balaclavas, who stole jewellery and valuables while he was falling over in the penalty box in Marseille.

The thievery spate began last May when Pepe Reina was “done”, and his Porsche was also nabbed. The following month Dudek’s home was broken in to, then two months later both Agger and Crouch suffered at the hands of light-fingered intruders. Things went quiet until this November, when Dirk Kuyt was burgled while on International duty.

The Spoiler has been furrowing brows, scouring through old newspapers at the library and putting little pins in a map of Liverpool to work out the next victim. After careful investigation, we’ve come to the conclusion that John Arne Riise should immediately up his security detail. The careless Norwegian has already had a payslip nicked by a bin scavenger, so the wrong people already know where he lives. Plus, his bankruptcy and willingness to flog his Champions League medal ably demonstrate his laissez faire attitude towards material possessions. It’d be a surprise if his door were even locked.

Of course, if Alex Curran caught a glimpse of the criminals and their vehicle she could hold the key to unravelling their reign of terror.

But if Alex doesn’t do the right thing, John, you have been warned…

Think you’ve cracked the case? Forget reporting it through the official channels, let us know with a comment below.


1 response so far
  • Steven Gerrard arrested for assault | The Spoiler // January 12, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    [...] fightin?” scenario, but quite why the assailants were brawling when they could have been robbing his mansion is anyone’s guess. ArrestAssaultLiverpoolLounge InnPoliceRestaurantSteven Gerrard Dec [...]

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