Transfer Talk

Crouch to line up with Defoe, and Hleb’s off!

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Sweet Baby Joseph, it is HOT outside. It’s all ice lollies, hand held electronic fans and bikinis in this office. But don’t be fooled, we’re not just keeping ourselves cool, there’s also work to be done. Today’s transfers read like this:

Peter Crouch to Portsmouth
So long are Crouch’s spindly spiders legs that he’s somehow managed to score thirteen goals this season – all from his seat in the dugout. Just imagine how he’d get on if he was actually playing. Word is, Portsmouth have been doing exactly that.

Michael Kightley to West Ham

Despite the fact that Alan Curbishley headed straight into hiding after getting humiliated by Man United, the gossips at the Mirror have been heard going on and on about how he wants the Wolves winger, and by Jimmy he’s going to get him.

John Arne Riise to Aston Villa

It seems that Rafa is willing to scrap his rotation system once and for all by giving Villa half of his squad in exchange for one Gareth Barry. Riise is the latest to be smilingly held up and pointed at.

Bobby Zamora to Middlesbrough

Like so many managers, Gareth Southgate thought it time to show his terrifying lack of football knowledge by looking to sign Bobby Zamora – a striker who has so many great attributes, but none to do with sport.

Aliaksandr Hleb to Inter
Mathieu Flamini finally sloped off to Italy, shouting something about more money, delicious pizza, and milk and honey flowing as he left. But did Hleb’s strange ears prick up? The rumour mongers say they did.


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