Great Big Football Party!

Defoe grabs woman, Jenas’ fashion blunder, Anton Ferdinand’s bedroom eyes…

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And so the football season comes to a dramatic halt, with very dodgy happenings over in Boro – something stinks, and for once it isn’t Jermain Defoe’s finger. Either way, with the top and bottom sorted, the players thought it necessary to go out on the razzle-dazzle. Fashionable Movida was the place to be.

Of course, as expected, Jermain Defoe was his usual slippery self, persuading a cheerful brunette that she should just get in the car and return with him to his dreamy bachelor pad – there, he would no doubt pop on some light Jazz music, spark up a joss-stick, then make some seriously oily love to her until the sun rose, or his alarm clock went off (whichever came first). Lots of that is assumption, but probably happened.

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Elsewhere, Jermaine Jenas was doing a convincing impression of a stereotypical 1980s cool guy, complete with shades in the middle of the night, and a jacket that would have the residents of St Tropez yachts whooping their approval. Might need a rethink, JJ.

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And Anton Ferdinand was showing us normal people how expensive footballers flirt, spending most of the evening pulling his most handsome sexual face, and using it to stare at women for hours. He no doubt had the time of his life!

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Plus, a certain footballer cousin who once appeared on Big Brother was out and about attracting footballers by showing them her bottom. Can you remember her name?


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