Puyol to Man United, Yaya Toure to Arsenal, Alan Smith explained!
If you’re planning to go to Glasgow tonight, don’t, it would be a silly silly move. Should Rangers win, Celtic supporters go bonkers, should Rangers lose, everyone goes bonkers. And, of course, “bonkers” is street slang for face punchy and eye scratchy. You would be far wiser to read about today’s transfers and say nothing more about it…
Carlos Puyol to Man United
Fergie has long been an admirer of Puyol’s gorgeous long hair and robust playing style – the whisper is that he’s going to throw Gerard Pique in as bait.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He’s Mr Barcelona, and the Ferdinand/Vidic axis of strength might be impossible to break. Unlikely.
Giovani dos Santos to Chelsea
This guy has been hailed as ‘the new Ronaldinho’, which presumably means he’s a great footballer, not a podgy nighclubber who could eat his breakfast through a fence.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Warm, very warm.
Yaya Toure to Arsenal
Kolo’s brother failed to impress Wenger a few years back when he was at Arsenal on trial, but has since had decent stints at Monaco and Barcelona, and told skysports.com: “I am aware of the interest from the Premier League, it would be great to play in a big team with my brother.”
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Sherlock Holmes wouldn’t even get dressed to solve such an obvious case.
Michael Owen to JEF United Chiba
All the greats have played in Japan – Linekar, 1990 World Cup legend Schillaci… Owen, however, will not be joining them.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Just stupid.
Joe Hart and Paul Robinson to swap clubs
Spurs are offering Manchester City £6 million to take Hart and offload Robinson. That presumably means £2 million for Hart and £4 million to look after Robinson – feed him, show him the sights, teach him how to defend corners, guitar lessons etc…
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Robinson is on borrowed time, a possible.
Richard Dunne to West Ham
He’s not English, he’s not had a career littered with injuries, he’s never played for Newcastle, he wouldn’t demand £100,000 a week and he’s somewhere near the peak of his career. Have West Ham gone totally mental?
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Man City is being run by a maniac, everyone will want out. Could happen.
Olivier Kapo to Wigan
Whenever anyone goes from one job to the next, it’s important to take a momento – some take a picture of their pals, other take a laptop and a colleague’s wife. Steve Bruce is going back to his old work to fetch Olivier Kapo.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Flashing.
Alan Smith to Middlesbrough
There’s no doubting it, Alan Smith is a great striker… no, midfielder… no, right wing… hang on, what is Alan Smith? Does Alan Smith even know? And what the hecky would Gareth Southgate want with him?
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Nah.