Big Hleb AND Alonso news!
All of today’s transfers, just for you…
And so Big Brother kicks off again tonight, supposedly featuring a whopping sixteen new faces for you to fantasise about destroying/licking. All of them are sure to have one thing in common – their friends describe them as “wacky” or “bubbly”, or any other such made-up term to avoid saying what they really think. They’re cretins, and “wacky” is just another word for “cu… what’s that? Transfer news? Oh go on then…
Xabi Alonso to Juventus
Imagine standing silently in the room watching your ex-girlfriend heavily petting with her new man – she left you damn it! Great, now your blood is actually boiling. Okay, now put the plank down, take a breath, rinse the sweat from your shirt, and times that feeling by two – that’s exactly how Alonso will feel when Barry trots into Anfield next season. Xavi, go, don’t look back. Run like the wind.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He’ll go
Aliaksandr Hleb to Barcelona
Silly Hleb, he was only going to Italy for the paella, now he’s realised it’s a Spanish dish! What a wally! Or, more accurately, Mourinho doesn’t seem keen, Barcelona do.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Just go!
Brad Friedel to Aston Villa
Great news Blackburn, Sam Allardyce should be on his way any day now… guys? Hey, Freidel! Where are you running to in such a demented panic?
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Friedel is Blackburn!
Andriy Shevchenko to AC Milan
What? Shevchenko to AC Milan? News to us…
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Never saw this coming
Johan Elmander to Bolton
Gary Megson’s negotiation savvy finds Toulouse demanding £21 million, and Megson gingerly pointing at a paper bag with £6 million written on the side in biro.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Too glamorous for Bolton?