Gareth Barry wants out, Alex Hleb wants peace and quiet
Today’s transfer gossip, assessed and dissected just for you
Precious little Alex Hleb last month claimed his sensitive eardrums couldn’t handle the bustle of urban life in London, and he now seeks a more serene atmosphere. If the rumours of a move to Barcelona are true, however, he will find anything but the peace and quiet he seeks: in the Catalan city, honking at all hours is considered a national pastime, shouting is the preferred method of communication and the bars are completely full of loutish British stag parties every weekend. Enjoy the relative calm of London while you can, Alex.
Alex Hleb to Barcelona or maybe Bayern Munich
The honeymooning star has been linked with absolutely everyone in the past few weeks, even Rushden and Diamonds have a shot at landing him. His agent says: “The only transfer Alexander is making at the moment is from the hotel to the beach and back.”
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He’ll be linked to AC or Roma tomorrow
Gareth Barry to Liverpool
Those Real Madrid-esque bullies, using Steven Gerrard as bait, have finally turned Barry’s head and the Villa captain has told his club he wants out. Liverpool are expected to up their offer today.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Seems likely now
Justin Hoyte to Aston Villa
A miserable day for Villa fans may get worse if they sign Arsenal’s other Englishman. You know, the guy that plays even less than Theo Walcott and sometimes gets in the Arsenal League Cup team.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: If it gets any bleaker, O’Leary will be back!
Luis Felipe Scolari to Chelsea
“Big Phil” has revealed he can live in another country, which isn’t too shocking considering he has been doing that since 2003. The Brazilian is now odds on to move to Stamford Bridge.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Looks likely but is he the best candidate?
Djibril Cisse to Portsmouth
The former Liverpool striker’s agent says he wants to return to England and insists that Portsmouth are the club that match his ambitions.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Would potentially flop like fellow Liverpool reject Baros
Marcus Bent to the scrapheap
It seems steamrollering Gemma Atkinson isn’t enough to guarantee a Wigan starting berth ahead of Emile Heskey, so Bent has returned to Championship Charlton, who have immediately transfer-listed him.
The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Could be useful for a promoted club like Hull