Cry Babies

Spurs supporters voted the most “sensitive” Premier League fans

Awww, don’t cry Tottenham fans, we didn’t mean it (we did)

Sensitiv-ometer

Something about the way Alex on The Apprentice started weeping and pointing at other people the minute anyone dared question his business acumen, even just slightly, suggests that he will one day make an absolutely tremendous football manager. He’s got it all – the quivering lip, the total lack of humility, everything!

Which got The Spoiler to thinking. Alex is a sensitive soul – some would say a pillock – but who else is sensitive? And, more specifically, what sets of football fans are the most fragile and Alex-like? The answer was, of course, simple: Spurs fans.
Go anywhere in the world, and you’ll find a delicate Tottenham supporter launching into an angry rage about Berbatov and why people should leave him alone (most of the time completely unnecessarily), or aggressively lampooning Sol Campbell, totally unaware that even Sol – the planet’s most fragile and nervous centre back – has put the whole nasty business behind him already. And God forbid anyone ever say the Arse word.

But, before Spurs fans start hysterically blubbing and screaming about how unfair that just sounded, stop – take a breath, wipe the drool from your tie and put the chair down. You’re not alone. Also registering high on the hurty-feelings scale are Newcastle’s finest/fattest – still convinced that Kevin Keegan is Jesus Christ, and it’s 1996 all over again – Man City fans (don’t even start on the whole Sven debacle), and Chelsea fans – most of whom seem blissfully unaware that the rest of the country has completely valid reasons to utterly loathe Ashley Cole and JT. They just seem so horrible, and anyone whose girlfriend hasn’t had sex with Ashley Cole yet should perhaps think of the reasons why. Was she not pretty enough? Was it her lack of tatts? What was it?

And so to the middle ground – the less-fragile-but-definitely-a-bit-prickly fans. These mainly consist of avid supporters who have experienced the glory, but those high moments of euphoric head rush have become slightly fewer and further between. Give yourselves a sarcastic slow hand clap Arsenal and Liverpool - it’ll never get that good again (sorry). And on a bad day, we’re talking about you too, Man United - bid a kind hasta luego to Ronaldo for us, he was a fantastic player. Don’t worry though, you’ll be fine next year, you’ve got Owen Hargreaves, for Christ’s sake.

You’ll notice that the barometer (pictured) goes all the way to the bottom, where the thick skinned fans live – home to the likes of * Villa, Everton, West Ham. Teams that think in terms of Carling Cups, UEFA Cups, even no cups at all. The teams that rely on fans just wanting a nice day out, a reason to leave the house and get away from the monotonous hum of ITV2. These men, women and children are the backbone of telesales teams throughout the land. Heroes one and all.

Hull, Stoke, West Brom – you have a lot to live up to.

*Anyone not mentioned was considered too boring.


25 responses so far
  • Brian Fantana // June 16, 2008 at 11:18 am

    It’s got to be Newcastle at number one for me. All their over-protectiveness about KK and whining about the ‘biased southern media’…

  • a fan of everyone // June 16, 2008 at 11:20 am

    Do you know that stereotyping is a sign of low intelligence?

    Of course you did’nt.

  • A fan of noone // June 16, 2008 at 11:22 am

    Did you know that putting apostrophes in the wrong place is a sign of low intelligence?

    Of course you didn’t!

  • DAVE // June 16, 2008 at 11:25 am

    WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP U MUST BE REALLY BORED TO MAKE UP THAT SHIT AND I DONT THINK U HAVE EVER MET A HAMMER FAN HAVE YEAH U WANT TO COME TO ESSEX EVERY NOW AND AGAIN THEN RE WRITE YOUR WANK ARTICLE

  • Upminster Iron // June 16, 2008 at 11:27 am

    Would you happen to be a Spurs fan Dave? If so, you’re only proving the point further.

  • a fan of everyone // June 16, 2008 at 11:30 am

    no, it’s called being bad at grammer.

  • wtf // June 16, 2008 at 11:32 am

    seriously?

    spurs fans? newcastle fans? seems to be a correlation with passion…..

    perhaps the journo behind this article has got his words mixed up?

  • The Dude // June 16, 2008 at 11:34 am

    Did you know that stating that stereotyping is a sign of low intelligence, is a stereotype in itself, and the fact that you did not realise this would indicate that your intelligence is not necessarily magnificent.

    Of course your didn’t.

  • a fan // June 16, 2008 at 11:35 am

    wasn’t it lee and not alex that was the spurs fan ?,your whole point was made up using the wrong bloke …idiot lol

  • The Dude // June 16, 2008 at 11:35 am

    Bad at “Grammer” – and spelling.

  • Gio // June 16, 2008 at 11:36 am

    Funny you should compare spurs fans to Alex when its almost common knowledge that Lee is a spurs fun (check out the videos of him singing at tottenham on you tube). Yes to be a spurs fan you have to write lies on your C.V. : like Mr Ramos putting available immediatly on his and just like spurs you have to be a winner, well in the league cup anyway.

  • a fan of everyone // June 16, 2008 at 11:42 am

    also well done on your name. noone? Point is you get a mix in any club. Spurs should be top because we do argue and whine the most. Your being a little hypocritical with your points on Campbell, Cole and Terry. Campbell led the spurs bored on with promises of singing a new contract until he left on a free to our main rivals, when we could of sold him as the most expensive defender in the world over the past few seasons. At least Arsenal got a good deal out of the Cole saga. So im guessing the author of the article is an arsenal fan and fair enough.

  • ollyparklane // June 16, 2008 at 11:53 am

    Picture the scene: Spoiler office, gooner twat journos, thinking ‘How can we get lots of Spurs fans to post moaning (and thereby proving their point)?’ So fellow yids, don’t bite on that juicy worm. We are a great club, with massive history and really high expectations. That is why we sometimes rant somewhat. End of… COYS

  • SimianSpur // June 16, 2008 at 12:06 pm

    The Dude says: “Of course your didn’t.”

    It’s best not to go lambasting others isn’t it?

    Plus the stating of stereotyping being of low intelligence isn’t exactly stereotyping. Anyway, I digress.

    I think we all know who the snivelling cry baby in football is, always about to crack and acting like a spoilt “oh dont hurt my poor little boys” baby. Yes of course Arsene Wenger and to deny that Mr. “I didn’t see it” isn’t the most sensitive prick truly must make you rather sensitive to the truth!

    Peace and Love from North London

    xx

  • Gio // June 16, 2008 at 12:08 pm

    Well said Olly, though lets not pretend this blog is run by journalists from an office, i mean just look at those graphics! this is a teenage bedroom enterprise no doubt about it.

  • Scorpion // June 16, 2008 at 12:27 pm

    Me fellow Spurs fans are high on the list of “most sensitive”. Very defensive especially from wind-ups from the Gooners. And speaking of sensitive (and yes I know you are not supposed to start a sentence with “And”, the Gooners are just as bad. They hate the fact that we won a trophy last year and they have not won a thing for 3 years. They hate that their players are starting to abandon ship because of their lack of success. So they turn to attacking Spurs for winning a “meaningless cup”. Sorry, but it means something to us and most normal human beings. Wembley, great day out, lots of fun etc; perhaps they have forgotten that feeling and prefer to rest on their laurels. I think a tie is in order, however, if we win something again and they don’t the toys will really be flying out of the pram!

  • IQATL // June 16, 2008 at 12:33 pm

    So you asked every football fan this or is this just some GCSE homework asking 2 friends and 2 random people in the street?

    I’ve seen some crap articles in my time on the web but this is just beyond a joke!

  • hodric // June 16, 2008 at 12:34 pm

    based purely on personal experience, I know two Everton fans well and both are emotional wrecks – a far cry from thick skinned in any case! As for west ham fans – thick skinned? dunno about that, thick? certainly. it seems that the chart, broadly speaking, has fans who endure mediocrity but desperately want to do better (spurs, toon, citeh) at the top and fans who endure mediocrity and are quite happy doing so (villa, wet spam, everton) at the bottom . Just an observation.

  • IQATL // June 16, 2008 at 12:37 pm

    Sensitive? Wenger, Fergie and Benitez – now there’s sensitive.

    Ronaldo off, ARSEnal a sinking ship and Rafa wanting more money yet still whinging and thinking the world is against him.

    Aren’t these supposed to be “grown men”?

  • Dusty // June 16, 2008 at 12:39 pm

    oh dear gio, you need to go out and get laid

  • CloneOfTheBoss // June 16, 2008 at 12:53 pm

    did you know that Metal Gear Solid 4 the playstation game is the best game on the planet???

    Of course you didn’t.

    sorry i just wanted some say in the ‘Of course you didn’t thingy’

    I do not actually understand the article if its good or bad…i do know one thing though and that is Messi is a better player then Cristiano Ronaldo.

  • Rick Blaine // June 16, 2008 at 1:21 pm

    Yawn and tell me what fragile personality thinks these things up.What puerile nonssene,you just know it’s rubbish as soon as you see the word spoiler don’t you?.Yet we have people indulging this rubbish.Spammers mid table,yes that is about right though!!!

  • Upminster Iron // June 16, 2008 at 1:29 pm

    Spammers mid-table…Spurs bottom half?

  • fan // June 16, 2008 at 4:45 pm

    upminster iron-won anything lately? your yo yo club be down again soon enough and you might win the championship so don’t worry

  • DAVE // June 17, 2008 at 8:22 am

    poor gooner fans have to write this so they they can win an argument so that they feel that feeling of winning something again dont bite spurs and just think of modric and dos santos showing the gunners the back of the net 7-1 this time come on u yids

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