Euro 2008: The Spoiler’s Team of the Tournament

These men stepped up to the plate, brought their A game, gave it 110 per cent etc…


As everyone knows, the semi finals and finals of important competitions are an appalling waste of time. Everyone’s too frightened to touch the ball, to the point where grown men just gather around staring at each other, too paranoid to even speak. Hence, the team of the tournament has been chosen based on the real football that The Spoiler has already witnessed…

GK Iker Casillas (Spain)
For single handedly snatching football glory away from the Italians, and looking a little bit like a child attempting to grow a beard. Out-goallied Buffon.

DL Yuri Zhirkov (Russia)
Once you’ve finished rolling around on the floor in hysterics because his name sounds a little bit like “jerk off”, you’ll notice that he’s been a prince amongst left backs. Brilliant.

DC Giorgio Chiellini (Italy)

Whilst it made for the most face-scratchingly boring non-England match since Glasgow Women’s Deaf and Dumb Wheelchair Team took on the local hospice’s Coma XI, don’t forget that the Italian defence was brilliant. Particularly this man.

DC Ricardo Carvalho (Portugal)
Looking like one of the best in the world, certainly the best at Chelsea.

DR Sergio Ramos (Spain)
Don’t let his woman’s haircut fool you, Ramos has a lion’s heart. Edges out the biggest surprise package of the tournament – Boulahrouz.

ML Arda Turan (Turkey)

The zippy Galatasaray winger was directly responsible for the Turks getting out of jail against the Swiss and the Czechs. Blessed from of high. Or made a pact with the devil.

MC Michael Ballack (Germany)
Somehow – despite playing for Chelsea and Germany – there is something impossible to dislike about Ballack. Even when he shoved a few backs to score a winner against Portugal, Ronaldo’s tears soon washed away the anger.

MC Luka Modric (Croatia)
Tottenham’s new signing looks like he might just be worth every single penny. Who needs Berbatov anyway? Right, Spurs fans?

MR Wesley Sneijder (Holland)
For about three matches, Holland resembled the best team of all time, then, unsurprisingly, it all went breasts upwards. Sneijder leaves Euro 2008 with an enormous rep though. Great against the French.

FC Andrei Arshavin (Russia)
One day people will ask: “Where were you where you first heard of Arshavin?”. To which you will probably punch them in the face. Player of the tournament.

FC David Villa (Spain)
The tournament’s top scorer, he mixes being a nippy little pain in the bum with some sublime shots, and a cracking facial arrangement. Has overshadowed Torres, remarkably.

14 responses so far
  • Shane Brelsin // June 24, 2008 at 2:28 pm

    Hey Spoiler.

    I’ve been doing my own Team of the Tournament, updated daily (or whenever I can be bothered) over here:

    I have 5 in common with your selection – Zhirkov and Chiellini especially have been exceptional – but I couldn’t have a team of the tournament without Senna. He’s been a huge reason for Spain’s success, so far. I just hope Arshavin makes him eat dust on Thursday night…

  • Shane Breslin // June 24, 2008 at 2:32 pm

    Oh, and I must disagree with Sergio Ramos. A massive disappointment so far, and certain to be earmarked as a weaklink by Hiddink this week…

    Think Corluka, Anyukov and Lahm – when he’s played there – have all been much better right backs in this tournament…

  • St John the Sponge // June 24, 2008 at 2:48 pm

    Yes, Senna terrific. It’s no accident that the traditionally nervous nelly Spaniards have thrived by sticking a no-nonsense Brazilian in the middle of things to stop them self-destructing. Have any of the chumps on the sofa said anything patronising about him yet, along the lines of “great little engine”?

  • Roman Raspberry // June 24, 2008 at 3:14 pm

    Hey Spoiler! Luca Toni is missing from your list

  • Hmmm // June 24, 2008 at 4:56 pm

    LOL @ Lahm to whoever made that team.. what’s he done? Bosingwa was better.

  • siberus // June 24, 2008 at 6:16 pm

    for me the best goalkeaper should be polish Arthur Boruc, the rest looks ok :)

  • bah // June 24, 2008 at 9:18 pm

    Pepe played a must better tournament than Ricardo Carvalho. They were both very efficient but Pepe scored.

  • bah // June 24, 2008 at 9:19 pm

    Oh yes and Sergio Ramos…? please, he’s the king of wrong passes.

  • wasienka // June 25, 2008 at 12:18 am

    Some nice picks, some predictable (Carvalho – booring), other baffling, like Ramos, who had, at least in my book, a nightmare of a tournament. He was sloppy in the back (terrible group game v. Russia) & very unlionlike going forward. Even Bosignwa was better, not to mention Razvan Rat, who was great for Romania.

  • George Costanza // June 25, 2008 at 10:55 am

    You say the Italian defence was briiliant, and yet Zambrotta is in your worst XI! The Italian team is so defensive I don’t knwo how you can single just one out for praise.

    Midfield and attack spot on though. Not exactly hard to pick though!

  • Me-who-Judge // June 25, 2008 at 7:59 pm

    turkey will win

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