Rotten Eggs

Euro 2008: The Spoiler’s Worst Team of The Tournament

They’re a disgrace, a big revolting disgrace…


Okay, we’ve drooled enough over the Arshavins and the David Villas, now it’s time to load up the claws and get stuck into some massive Euro 2008 flops. These men should think about getting a new day job – especially you, Ronaldo, or whatever your name is! What’s that? It is Ronaldo? Yeah, well…. shut up!

GK Petr Cech (Czech Republic)
His mistakes were costly, the hat looks stupid, and he’s getting more and more grumpy – starting to resemble the world’s most sullen gimp.

DL Paulo Ferreira (Portugal)

Lack of match practice and being played out of position made Ferreira appalling against the Germans. Needs to locate his footballing ability.

DC Lilian Thuram (France)

In fairness, he should never have been there. Too old for the modern speedsters with their shiny trainers and spikey hairstyles. Someone needs to tell him to stop.

DC William Gallas (France)

Old Mr Grumpy Face used to look like one of the best around – not any more.

DR Gianluca Zambrotta (Italy)

The one-time defender du jour lost his way at Barcelona, and his bad form has followed him into the national side. In serious need of self-discovery.

ML Florent Malouda (France)
Malouda’s rapid journey to the bottom of the heap is hurtling along at an impressive rate. Rubbish.

MC Gennaro Gattuso (Italy)
It used to be okay to stand around looking a bit like Serpico when the team was winning, but now that they’re not he just looks like a little angry gentleman who has no place on a football pitch.

MC Simone Perrotta (Italy)
Put simply, Perrotta was the man in charge of making Italy tick against the Spanish. Big fail!

MR Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal)

It was supposed to be his year. Maradonna dragged Argentina to the World Cup in 86, even Rooney had more say on the tournament in 2004. A massive letdown, not worth £800 million or whatever it is now.

FC Mario Gomez (Germany)
The name’s Spanish, the bloke’s a German – either way, he’s looked abominable in front of goal.

FC Luca Toni (Italy)
In fairness to him, Toni wasn’t given a great deal of support up front, but had he put away even a third of his easy chances, Italy would probably still be there. His decision to grow a moustache was also misjudged.

3 responses so far
  • Hmmm // June 24, 2008 at 4:59 pm

    hahaha Toni’s moustache… and you could pretty much have put any of the French in this team.

  • Canuck // June 24, 2008 at 7:36 pm

    Very clever using a photograph from 2004. Before heading into the tournament I thought Portugal would be eliminated in the first round because they played as individuals in qualifying. I was optimistic after the first game although it was obvious that there were serious problems with their defense. Paulo Ferreira is too slow and Bosingwa doesn’t jump when balls are crossed into the box. Of Course Ricardo the goalie is not very good at being boss of his goal area. Scolari held a grudge against the Portuguese FA. Chelsea’s announcement in the middle of the tournament that they had signed him, basically meant Scolari no longer gave a damn. I don’t think Maradona or Rooney or whomever would not have much success playing for a team with such a weak defense. I actually thought Ronaldo played well.. When Kaka was invisible when Brazil were eliminated against France in the 2006 world cup, he never got so much bad press. Of Course he doesn’t ply his trade in England.

  • George Costanza // June 25, 2008 at 10:52 am

    Johnny Heitinga was player of the year in Holland wasn’t he? Looked out of his depth when he came on against Russia.

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