Underwhelming transfers

Ten players you don’t want linked to your club

The Spoiler considers the footballing talent you rather see warm someone else’s bench next season

Milan baros

Much like when a hot girl comes for an interview at your place of work, the feeling of knowing a quality player could be joining your club is pretty uplifting. However, unless you support Manchester Utd, Chelsea or Arsenal, occasionally a player who provokes a combined feeling of fear, disappointment and mild anger will crop up on the rumour radar. Even Liverpool suffer a little from ropeytransferitis, with names like Stewart Downing and James Milner not exactly living up to last summer’s star signing Fernando Torres.

With this in mind, we decided to compile a list of the ten names most likely to make you choke on your Corn Flakes when the back pages associate them with your side. Let’s get things started with a couple of Frenchmen…

Djibril Cisse
The French striker flopped during his spell at Liverpool but that doesn’t stop him believing that we all love him, judging by his determination to return to the Premier League. We don’t Djibril, we don’t.

Lillian Thuram
Even Lil realises that he’s not that popular after being dumped by Barcelona and failing with France. “I would like to continue to play but I don’t know if a club wants me,” he said last week. Celtic and Rangers have been linked but Scots can rest easy as he now appears to be PSG-bound.

Justin Hoyte
Perfect proof that playing with some really good players once or twice a season doesn’t make you a really good player. Maybe Martin O’Neill thinks he could do a Bentley and flourish away from the Emirates, but his loan spell at Sunderland suggested that simply won’t happen.

Harry Kewell
The Socceroo was one of the most exciting players in the Premier League…five years ago. After a few years rotting in hospital beds and in Liverpool’s reserve team he is damaged goods. Thankfully it’s looking like he will take WAG Sheree Murphy off to Italy.

Stephen Carr
Kevin Keegan is happy playing any old rubbish in defence, believing the strikers will score enough goals to negate the errors. If KK deems the Irishman unworthy, that ain’t a good sign. West Ham and Aston Villa fans have been among those squirming at the thought of him pulling on claret and blue.

James Beattie
He had one great season in 2003 that saw him score 23 goals, win some England caps and join Everton for £6 million. It was on Merseyside that it all fell apart, but now he has scored goals in the Championship, where anyone can beat anyone else, he’s worth £5 million all over again. Roy Keane is said to be tempted, and has already paid £4 million plus on three Championship players. Don’t do it, Roy!

Nicky Shorey
After looking incredibly ordinary as Reading sunk without a trace, Shorey has inherited the one-season wonder mantle previously held by players like Marlon Harewood and Darren Bent. So why is there always someone waiting to pay big money to give them another chance?

Johan Elmander
Recognise the name? Elmander was the guy who did a remarkable job of featuring in all three of Sweden’s Euro 2008 games while managing to do a grand total of nothing. We’re not even sure he touched the ball. So feel some sympathy for Fulham and Bolton fans, whose clubs may be willing to pay eight figures for him.

Scott Carson
He’s nowhere near as bad a goalkeeper as that mistake suggests, but he’s damaged goods and his confidence is shaken. Plus Rafa Benitez is sure to demand big money if the Peter Crouch saga is anything to go by. Aston Villa got to witness him first hand for 12 months before deciding he wasn’t worth buying, so why are there so many others in the queue? If Tottenham ever sign a new keeper, expect Paul Robinson to displace Carson in this list.

Milan Baros
The striker who flopped at Liverpool and Aston Villa has managed to make an entire career trading off his Euro 2004 topscorer success. He went to Portsmouth in January but scored a grand total of zero then went to the Euros with Czech Republic and failed to score. He’s now supposed to be the goal hero who keeps West Brom in the Premier League; Tony Mowbray would be wiser to stick with Kevin Phillips.
Do you agree with our choices or think we’re being too harsh? Is there someone we’ve missed out? Comments below please, folks.


41 responses so far
  • Shabba Ranks // June 25, 2008 at 3:11 pm

    Joey Barton?? He should be off once hes done his time, any takers for an ex-con loose cannon?

  • Kenneth // June 25, 2008 at 3:12 pm

    Id suggest Darren Bent as a nice candidate.. Most expensive flop of the season… Too over-rated and Tottenham were too desperate..

    Titus Bramble… A player all teams would like to avoid if possible due to his constant foul-ups in defence.. WAS a prospect, but failed as a result.

    El-Hadji Diouf.. Seriously, its his goal against France that made him famous. Nuff said.. Doesnt score much and too over-rated..

  • beyethegreat // June 25, 2008 at 3:21 pm

    where is barton in this list

  • Abraham // June 25, 2008 at 3:29 pm

    Correction: Diouf did not score against France. he had a good worldcup though and if Houllier could pay for Salif Diao, then why not te ill-mannered Diouf. As for one season wonders, do you remember a certain Michael Ricketts? I also believe Cisse is not good enough for a top 4 club in the Premiership but for the othyers, I’d risk him. He scored 19 goals in all competitions in his last season at Liverpool and he was played either out wide or kept on the bench.

  • Ivor // June 25, 2008 at 3:50 pm

    Luca Toni, Helder Postiga, Karim Benzema, Simone Perotta, Scott Carson, Scott Carson, Peter Crouch, Scott Parker, Kenwyne Jones, James Beattie, Damian Duff, Paul Robinson and Sean Wright Phillips.

  • ? // June 25, 2008 at 3:57 pm

    nutter

    Cisse broke his leg twice when he was in pool
    elmander is a fighter and good player He will turn down bolton
    carson is the “best keeper in england

    watch the players don’t get our fact via the sun

  • ok // June 25, 2008 at 3:59 pm

    nutter

    Cisse broke his leg twice when he was in pool
    elmander is a fighter and good player He will turn down bolton
    carson is the “best keeper in england

    watch the players don’t get our fact via the sun .

  • Claude-Alexander // June 25, 2008 at 4:02 pm

    Whoever knows a bit about the Portugesue League will tell you that Quaresma is after all not that exciting and goes hiding on a regular basis when a proper side would need a decent winger who can beat a man or two AND does so. Well, rather him than Diouf, but he must have come close to making your list, right!

  • jim // June 25, 2008 at 4:06 pm

    I agree get your fact right before you write or preferebly don’t write at all

    1000 worse players around Why not just write anyone from Bolton, Wigan or any Enlish keeper
    or every 36 year old players (thuram)

  • neeraj // June 25, 2008 at 4:14 pm

    alan smith…………..
    the top contender is missing, somehow!!

    shevchenko
    damien duff
    and all time hit

    THE TITAN- TITUS BRAMBLE

  • steve // June 25, 2008 at 4:23 pm

    Justin Hoyte was goodfor sunderland, just cos the other 10 were awful doesn;t mean he should be harshly judged.It was painful to watch him head and shoulders above the other idiots that played that season.Sunderland fans appreciate him for it.

  • benjamin // June 25, 2008 at 4:48 pm

    Hoyte had a good year in a poor team
    Elmander ? have you see the guy He’s GOOD
    Cisse scored a lot in the french league he’ll scorce in englane too
    Carson is top three in england

    watch the game before you write a list

  • Joe // June 25, 2008 at 5:07 pm

    Nice article, but i dont agree with 3 of these.

    Scott Carson??
    The guy is a quality goalkeeper, just un-experienced. Stupid Mclaren the clown should never have played him in such an important match for his first international cap. What idiot would put a young goalkeeper in goal, that hasnt even gained a cap (correct me if im wrong) in goal for the most important matches for years.
    Damaged goods?! What BS. He is a quality goalkeeper and a few years down the line he will be englands number 1.
    Aston Villa never decided not to buy him. They still want to buy him, but Liverpool were asking way too much for him.

    And Shorey aswell, im pretty sure alot of fans would love him to come in to their club, hes not a one season wonder at all. Hes always played well for reading.

    Darren Bent is another player who is not a one season wonder. He has been a regular goal scorer for the last 6 years at ipswich and charlton. Dont forget, he is also only 24.

    Not having a moan, just my point of view :)

  • kingkenny // June 25, 2008 at 5:13 pm

    Djimi Traore, the worst player to win a champions league winners medal. don’t know where he is these days just glad he’s not at Liverpool.

  • mikeygd // June 25, 2008 at 5:16 pm

    alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith alan smith

  • Pockets // June 25, 2008 at 6:14 pm

    its depressing how many of these players are ex-reds!

  • Pockets // June 25, 2008 at 6:16 pm

    i’d also add diouf, diao & traore!

  • tone // June 25, 2008 at 8:35 pm

    More utter dog-jizz from the Spoiler.

    Really lads? Really?

  • Villan // June 25, 2008 at 9:09 pm

    Carson is NOT a good goalkeeper. Sorry JOE but I saw him avery Villa match but 3 (home and away). I think he plays in deep sea divers boots. That boy has slower feet than Jesus. Not up to it in the Prem. As he gets older he will get slower!!

  • Chris // June 25, 2008 at 10:04 pm

    Someone actually listed Karim Benzema? Young, Strong, Quick, Nice Touch…you know, they qualities associated with a player you don’t want on your team.

  • Ausgeordie // June 25, 2008 at 11:05 pm

    I thought Reading went down despite Shorey not because of. One good left back is not enough to save a team without any decent strikers. Why did the send Lita away on loan he was mint

  • MED // June 26, 2008 at 4:28 am

    Gronkier ex chelsea right wing…. he was a RIGHT clown

  • Steve Stone // June 26, 2008 at 5:18 am

    Elmander is GOOD!!! A goal scorer!!!That´s IT!!!

  • Ryan // June 26, 2008 at 6:06 am

    Whoever says that Scott Carson isn’t worth buying has a few screws loose. The only reason he’s not been snapped up is because Liverpool have over-priced him (£10m is about £3m too much). Benitez is trying to copy many big clubs by selling their fringe players for inflated sums but he’ll soon realise that Liverpool aren’t a big club and will need to sell before he can buy. £10m+ for Crouch is also a complete joke.

  • I love my Cravan // June 26, 2008 at 9:21 am

    Senderos and Bentner anybody? Walcott perhaps? Gary Neville no no? Ronaldinho signed? Hosam Ghaly and Mido, Egyptian tripe? Kevin ‘oh God’ Keegan?

  • Adam // June 26, 2008 at 9:22 am

    well being a west ham fan its disappointing to see that we have been linked with quite a few of those players – i’d probably agree with the 10 names above and Stephen Carr is by far the worst of them all! Please don’t bring him to west ham! Ryan you have not got a clue Peter Crouch has proven himself to score goals! For Club & Country! Scott Carson is not worth £7m and Liverpool are a HUGE club!

  • Matt // June 26, 2008 at 10:14 am

    Your forgetting samaras and corradi both awfull city flops not to mention bianchi, being a city fan i used to average players, but i think peter crouch is a good player he has scored goals everwhere he’s been and i hope we get him. Alan Smith is by far the worst offender why isnt he on the list???????????????

  • Micky // June 26, 2008 at 11:24 am

    RONALDO… NOTHING BUT GREIF!

  • ShaunD // June 26, 2008 at 11:28 am

    who is the muppet that said Luca Toni & Karim Benzeema?

    Id take them both at Everton withoubt thinking twice!

  • bloody Limey // June 26, 2008 at 11:59 am

    Nothing wrong with Nicky Shorey a good team around him won’t cure. I mean look at Readings central defence? Woeful!

    Other bad seeds we’d all rather avoid:

    Joey ‘The batterer’ Barton,
    El ‘Had to spit’ Diouf
    and
    Nicholas ‘The Sulk’ Anelka

  • swedenmagpie // June 26, 2008 at 1:38 pm

    Elmander is good. But how the f**k could he do anything in euro 08 with the worst midfieldpartners ever! Ljungberg is just poor and Daniel Andersson and Anders Svensson is just a joke. It almost became a riot here in Sweden when Coach Lagerbæck released the starting midfield. And by the way he is a forward not a f””’ing winger.. He could do much for the magpies next season i can promise you that.

  • ourman // June 26, 2008 at 1:42 pm

    Can I just add to the people saying just how bad Alan Smith is. He is awful – absolutely terrible.

    Then again, if Roy Keane reads this then he’s the best player I have ever seen and an absolute bargain for some lucky club.

  • Avram Magic // June 26, 2008 at 1:48 pm

    I think the issue with Elmander isn’t that he’s terrible – just that it’s a ridiculous fee to demand for someone in the French league who wasn’t even one of the ten top scorers and who didn’t do anything at Euro 2008 to warrant his value being raised. Cisse scored about 50% more than him and there’s no way Marseille would demand £11/12 million for him.

  • Ian // June 26, 2008 at 3:04 pm

    Cisse is one of the World’s best strikers, what idiot put him on that list?

    He would blitz Owen and even my favourite martins if he came to our club. Martins and Cisse together would be the fastest striker line up ever seen.

    Rafa stuck him out on the wing, he was the previous manager’s signing and he had it in for him from the start. Many Liverpool fans rate him highly and do not like the treatment he got from Rafa. I even saw ratings from them as Torres, Gerrard then Cisse!!

    Everyone was saying Gomis is the next superstar striker, another Drogba, well he is sitting equal third with Cisse, after Cisse had a shocker of a start in the French League, difference is Gomis has only been up there this season, Cisse is a regular.

    Somehow his press is worse than his performances and the crap from the press appears to carry more weight, look back over his career, he scores more in a season when he suffered broken legs than some of the premiership do with both working.

    we arent bright enough to buy a player like that when he is a giveaway, the same way we passed on Johnson, Mcarthy and Anelka when they pleaded to play fpr us and we could have had them for buttons. Lets just shout the name of the players off the Sun back page!!

  • Suremo // June 26, 2008 at 10:48 pm

    IVOR

    Luca Toni – 24 goals in 31 doe Bayern this year in the League, the Italians style didnt suit him at the Euros, watch the Bundesliga before commenting on a player

    Benzema – 24 in 37 again, try to pull away from just watching one league and then judging players over 1 or 2 games

  • tone // June 27, 2008 at 2:41 am

    “who is the muppet that said Luca Toni & Karim Benzeema?

    Id take them both at Everton withoubt thinking twice!”

    LOL, THAT JUST ABOUT SUMS UP THE BLUESHITE!

  • Brett // June 27, 2008 at 11:43 am

    Titus “milk turns quicker than I do” Bramble

    Alan “how did i miss that pass?” Smith

    Hosam “Ghastly” Ghaly

    Phillipe “oops, missed that tackle. And that one” Christenval

    have all got to be on that list. Plus, a Rovers fan, any club even considering £15m for Bentley have got to be kidding. Good player, ok season but for £15m? Hell, for that fee I’ll drive up to Ewood packs his bags and hand deliver him to you!

  • Rob // June 27, 2008 at 3:34 pm

    I am a bolton fan, and I can assure you that if elmander joins us he will be better than all our other players by a long way, so really you should have just featured the entire wanderers squad here.

  • houllier // July 16, 2008 at 2:11 am

    Baros scored 11 goals in the first half of his last season and his loss of form coinsided with undesired transfer rumours. Possibly as he wandered why this strike rate was not making him wanted by his own manager or maybe he was unsettled but trust me show him some love 10-15 games uninterupted (despite possible shocking performances) and you’ll get the old milan back

  • houllier // July 16, 2008 at 2:14 am

    cisse deserves a few allowances for injuries surely? rate him or otherwise the lad deserves a chance to prove himself before you write him off

  • Samet Cummings // September 27, 2008 at 1:45 am

    Both Harry Kewell and Milan Baros are playing awesome in Galatasaray, Istanbul. As a Gala fan, I could not be happier than this. Whoever made this list does not understand from a social psychology concept named “person in situation”. Geniuses like Kewell and Baros needed a situation that they can exhibit their talents and GS provided them this as it did with Gheorghe Hagi.

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