Life as a woman

Being Coleen’s friend, part one: The secret agony

Damn it, we were going to buy a yellow top!

Ever wondered what it must be like to be a WAG? No, us neither. How about a friend of a WAG? Yeah, us too! It must be awful – them with all their nice clothes and wealthy boyfriends, you with your outfits beamed in from last season and no boyfriend. Oh the agony!

To emphasise the point, we’ve dug out a picture of Coleen McLoughlin featuring a shadowy blonde girl lurking in the background. See how her hungry eyes devour every detail of Mrs Rooney’s new look? She will literally go home and yell to the sweet baby Jesus to deliver her a strappy bag and garish see-through top with a frilly bit on the front before sunrise. All the while bashing things up like one of those crazy monkeys in 2001: A Space Odyssey.

But careful what you wish for, woman. By the time your new clothes arrive, Coleen will be onto something else. Something light and feathery, we expect.

That’s just how fashion works.

Get another take on things over at Kickette.

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