The Future

Big Chelsea and Ronaldo news

Tomorrow’s headlines today

Look at you, sitting there, gorging yourself on all things Big Brother. You need to take some time out for football, friend. Here’s all the big news from the day after today. Otherwise known as “tomorrow”…

Portsmouth want Ronaldo
No, the world hasn’t gone completely bananas, Cristiano isn’t desperate to move to Fratton Park, this is the REAL Ronaldo. The one who’s fat and looks a little bit like Fred West (pictured). The injured striker didn’t have his AC Milan contract renewed and is looking for someone to take pity on him – kindly Harry Redknapp might be the man for the job.

Chelsea signing off without playing a game
Eagle-eyed Avram Grant signed two players as Chelsea manager: Nicolas Anelka – he who missed the decisive penalty in the Champions League final – and Branislav Ivanovic, who cost £9.7 million but is yet to play a game. Chelsea supposedly beat off Man United and the whole of Italy for the defender’s signature, but are now ready to offload him to Juventus for under £4 million. Now, The Spoiler ain’t no Carol Vorderman, but that sounds like bad b’iness to us.

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