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Why sorry Spurs can’t win a league game before Christmas

It’s all gone a bit Pete Rubbish

Juande Ramos

Oh dear, it was all looking so promising. The young Dos Santos chap, that Modric bloke – these guys were world beaters, damn it! But now Spurs are languishing at the bottom of the table, and after an in-depth gander at things like facts and statistics, The Spoiler has been shocked to find fourteen stonewall reasons why they won’t win before Santa Claus’ next visit. Perhaps they will never win again?

Spurs fans, we are so sorry… only read on if you must.

Spurs/Wigan, 21 September 2008

Prophecy of doom: Wigan have scored six goals in their last two away games

Portsmouth/Spurs, 28 September 2008

Prophecy of doom: Tottenham have never won two away in a row against Portsmouth. They won the last one.

Spurs/Hull, 5 October 2008

Prophecy of doom: Hull are yet to lose away from home (YET!), and Spurs are yet to win at home.

Stoke/Spurs, 19 October 2008

Prophecy of doom: Stoke have scored five goals in their first two home games, while Spurs have only scored more than one three times in twenty-one games.

Spurs/Bolton, 25 October 2008

Prophecy of doom: Tottenham have only won two of their last eleven league games against Bolton.

Arsenal/Spurs, 29 October 2008

Prophecy of doom: Spurs are yet to come away from the Emirates with a victory.

Spurs/Liverpool, 1 November 2008

Prophecy of doom: They haven’t beaten Liverpool at home since 2004.

Man City/Spurs, 8 November 2008

Prophecy of doom: Spurs haven’t won in their last four attempts against a Mark Hughes side.

Fulham/Spurs, 15 November 2008

Prophecy of doom: Tottenham haven’t won at Craven Cottage since 2002.

Spurs/Blackburn, 23 November 2008

Prophecy of doom: In their Premier League head-to-heads at White Hart Lane, Blackburn have scored more goals – 17 to Tottenham’s 16.

Spurs/Everton, 29 November 2008

Prophecy of doom: Everton have won on their last two visits to Tottenham, scoring five goals and conceding just one.

West Ham/Spurs, 6 December 2008

Prophecy of doom: Spurs have only won one of their last four away against West Ham.

Spurs/Man United, 13 December 2008

Prophecy of doom: They haven’t beaten Man United since 2001.

Newcastle/Spurs, 20 December 2008

Prophecy of doom: Newcastle have won the last three of this fixture 3-1.


9 responses so far
  • EastUpper // September 16, 2008 at 3:17 pm

    Utter rubbish, there are many teams yet to come away from the emishits with a win! Granted we are pony but the above is just stupid.

  • Sitsnextto East Upper // September 16, 2008 at 3:19 pm

    Why stop at xmas?

  • Upminster Iron // September 16, 2008 at 3:22 pm

    Yeah but unlike most teams you haven’t won at Highbury/Emirates since 1993! Whereas my team (who ply their trade in a place unknown to Spurs fans known as the top half) won two of our last three away to them – last team to win at Highbury, first team to win at Emirates!

  • EastUpper // September 16, 2008 at 3:34 pm

    And what silverware did that get you?

  • Upminster Iron // September 16, 2008 at 3:36 pm

    The second win helped save us from relegation so was very important. Looks like you’ll need something similar to stand any chance of staying up – regardless of whether you retain the Carling Cup!

  • Santa // September 16, 2008 at 3:53 pm

    And you know what they say about teams who are at the bottom of the league at Christmas time… they’re going down (even if they win the UEFA and Carling Cups – as if)!

  • aq // September 16, 2008 at 3:58 pm

    lol…East Upper youve just been out-argued by a so called relegation fighting team , and to think your club i ludacrous enough to think that you are up there with the big 4…lol… your club is a joke and will be luck to stay up this season.

  • A Healthy Prophet // September 16, 2008 at 4:01 pm

    Why this nob will eat his words come Sunday.

    Spurs will beat Wigan.

    There we go.

  • mikey // September 16, 2008 at 5:05 pm

    yeah but, no but, yeah but, no but, yeah but, no but your a wanker!

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