Spoiler

New Competition: Guess the football autobiography

We read them so you don’t have to

Chaucer, Shakespeare, Austen, Orwell – just fragments of the British literary tradition that has served the nation’s readers for almost 1000 years. However, slip into any Waterstones these days, and it is the less intellectually-demanding tomes of chefs, footballers and slags cluttering up the shelves.

Also on its knees is the traditional competition. Whilst Google may, on balance, be a good thing, it has ruined television and radio competitions for good. So in salute to two dying breeds, thespoiler is proud to launch a brand new ungoogleable competition. Below is a typically dull extract from a former footballer’s autobiography. Using the self-contained clues, the challenge is to work out who penned it.

“The highlight of the season was getting to the Soccer Bowl and playing in front of 70,000 people in the Giants’ Stadium in New York. It was a real shame that we lost, getting beat 2-1 by Vancouver Whitecaps, with former Ipswich striker Trevor Whymark scoring both their goals, while I got booked after a clash with Alan Ball who was also on their team. The trouble was Bally lashed out because he mistook me for our Dutch midfielder Jan Van der Veen. When he saw it was me he apologised.”

Leave your answer below. The actual answer will be revealed in tomorrow’s installment of the competition that, like Boy George on community service, is all set to sweep the nation.

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