"SUICIDE, IT'S A SUICIDE"

Nani: Fergie is screwing up my Manchester United career

NotRonaldo talks his way out of Old Trafford…

nani.jpg

Ruud van Nistelrooy, Jaap Stam and Roy Keane all have the same two things in common. All three were indispensable Man Utd players who were very much dispensed of the moment they crossed Sir Alex Ferguson.

The Spoiler can only assume Utd winger Nani, who is currently about as indispensable as a used, porous condom, was blissfully unaware of these events ever having happened, since he’s made the extremely stupid move of criticising Fergie in the tabloid press.

“It is clear the 23-year-old has reached the end of his tether,” crows The Sun, while rubbing their hands at the carnage about to unfold. “In a no-holds barred interview, Nani reveals how:”

He has felt the withering force of Fergie’s infamous hairdryer rage.

He is frustrated at being omitted from big-game starting line-ups.

He believes promises have not been kept.

Three grievances, all of which can be answered with one simple explanation: “It’s because you’re s**t.”

In “an interview with a Portuguese newspaper” (which a minute ago was “an exclusive interview with SunSport”), the former Sporting CP midfielder is quoted as ‘exposing’ a number of searingly obvious, not-worth-losing-your-job-over factoids about life behind the scenes at Old Trafford:

Ferguson is a very complicated man. He’s tough. If things are all right, then they are all right. But when he thinks something is wrong, everything is screwed.

He shouts at players in front of everyone. No one escapes, everybody is the same. Giggs and Neville suffer most, because they have more experience. It is ‘f**k’ here and ‘f**k’ there.

I know it would be better if I scored more goals. People expect more from me and it’s not easy.

But they are also not doing what they said they were going to. I can have a spectacular game but nobody guarantees me I will be starting the next match. It shatters your confidence.

Wonderful. Nani slogs through the media battlefield, risking career and wage, to bring us news from the trenches; and with his dying breath reveals: “Manager gets angry when players under-perform … most experienced expected to know better … five league goals in two years disappointing … ‘one good game in ten’ average not good enough …”

Don’t be surprised if the number 17 shirt is vacated within the next two transfer windows. Still, it’s not all bad. We’re sure ‘Thriller video’-era Michael Jackson impersonators are raking it in at the moment.


8 responses so far
  • Darren // November 12, 2009 at 1:34 pm

    It’s Zoran Tosic I feel sorry for. He cost United £8 million quid and barely gets thought about for the spare seat on the bus to matches, let alone the spare seat on the bench for matches. He must look at Nani and think, “Christ on toast, how bad must I be if SAF picks Nani in front of me?”

  • Richie // November 12, 2009 at 2:02 pm

    I agree Nani is as useful as… I cant think of anything as useless as him… Sorry. Tosic looks a quality and useful player like Obertan, hopefully they get the chance to break into the squad if we get rid of this JLS lead singer Lookalike muppet…

  • V // November 12, 2009 at 4:08 pm

    im portuguese yet i couldn’t think of anything more appropriate to say than darren or richie.

    by the way nice work richie.

  • Josie // November 12, 2009 at 8:34 pm

    I would not go as far as saying Nani is shite. But I will say that he does not engage brain while playing. He has solid skills, but he does not think out there. He is very reactive and does not seem to be aware of his collegues positions and tends to hold the ball too long instead of passing it.

    He would be better off playing on a mid-table team. He is not a high-end quality player.

  • Richie // November 13, 2009 at 11:00 am

    Thanks V ;)

  • Richie // November 13, 2009 at 11:07 am

    @V ps. Some nice work there yourself… Peace

  • Nick // November 13, 2009 at 5:10 pm

    The Sun did not claim it was an exclusive with SunSport, the picture you link to says “Click here to read Nani’s EXPLOSIVE interview with SunSport”

  • Wes Brown frozen out at Man Utd after row with Fergie | The Spoiler // January 12, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    [...] Wes shouldn’t be too worried. Remember when Nani crossed SAF late last year? He managed to escape the chop and even got a new four year contract for his [...]

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