Robin van Persie fights ankle injury with placenta
Striker turns to pony guts for injury relief…
Injured Arsenal striker Robin van Persie is to fly to Serbia to undergo a radical treatment which will involve rubbing fluid from a placenta into his hurt ankle.
As far as The Spoiler can remember from its Biology lessons, the placenta is the organ which allows food and air, as well as poo and wee, to pass between mother and foetus. Placental therapy is especially common in the Far East, where it has been used for repairing injuries to muscle tissue.
Van Persie told reporters:
I am going to receive treatment from a female doctor. She is vague about her methods but I know she first massages you for a long time with placenta fluid. I’m going to give it a try. It can’t do any harm and if it helps it helps.
However, the Dutch forward might as well save himself the trip. Esteemed medical journal The Sun, who, for some reason, are adamant the footballer will be using horse placenta, has put one of its top doctors on the case, and the diagnosis isn’t good news:
A placenta contains a number of proteins but it’s completely unproven. The placenta has probably come from a large animal such as a horse.
I’m not sure whether the treatment will make much of a difference.
Robin van Persie isn’t the first footballer to resort to off-brand methods of recovery — former Spurs hitman Jurgen Klinsmann regularly used to get chicken head fluid pumped into his dodgy knees. Simple trial of alternative medicine? Or desperate attempt to fix a long-standing ankle problem?