SCORCERY UPDATE

Serbian horse placenta doctor exposed as being a bit weird

Least surprising news of the week…

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The Daily Mail are claiming Premier League clubs have been leaving the well-being of their multi-million pound stars in the hands of a Serbian housewife who locals describe as ‘looking like Morticia Addams’.

Since her cover was blown by Robin van Persie on Tuesday, Mariana Kovacevic has gone into hiding, leaving the world’s press (and Serbian health officials, who have no record of this horse-guts operation existing) camped outside her clinic in New Belgrade, waiting for her to get back:

Within five minutes of each other Arsenal’s Van Persie left in one direction, while Liverpool pair Glen Johnson and Fabio Aurelio arrived from the other. By last night it appeared that Kovacevic may have already moved her placenta supplies and massage table elsewhere.

Kovacevic has since had her juiced up hands all over Yossi Benayoun and Albert Riera. Locals in New Belgrade claim she is an eccentric, rarely seen in public:

She dresses crazily, with long black hair, thick black eye make-up and thigh-length boots. She always looks like she is going out for the night.

While, according to a local bar owner:

She is an extrovert, but nice. She always wears big lipstick. She looks like Morticia from the Addams Family.

The ‘placenta method’ might be football’s best kept secret — Real Madrid and Man City have allegedly tried to get in contact with Kovacevic to get her to reveal her wizardry, while Jose Mourinho is said to have prevented Dejan Stankovic from visiting last season. However, her success has not made her popular with other local doctors. One said:

I use placenta in my treatment of muscle injuries, too. But I don’t heal them in seven days and I don’t promise my patients such quick recovery times. It is impossible. You have to ask what else this woman is doing to get them to recover so quickly?

Given the private history of most Premier League players, I’m sure we don’t even want to know.


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