Owen just needs to sort his house out, says Geoff Boycott
Grab a feather duster, Michael!
Footballers are complex animals, with many variables determining their collective futures. Michael Owen, for example, needs games. He needs games so that he can score goals. If he scores goals, he might go to the World Cup.
No doubt, the dinky striker is doing everything he can in training, but still he’s left on the bench to watch Berbs and Rooney put on a show, whilst all he has for comfort is a big warm coat and a Phil Collins megamix on his iPod.
What’s a man to do?
Well, funny you should ask, because if Geoff Boycott – famous for his stubborn batting, and smiling using just one side of his mouth – has anything to do with it, Owen will spend his evenings repositioning the furniture in his lounge to secure a rich and rewarding future playing sport.
Talking in today’s Sun, the cricketer said this:
“… I will put him in touch with some experts in Feng Shui and see where that takes him.”
“People who don’t know anything about it say that it is rubbish. But all I can say is it worked for me and that is the only thing that mattered.”
In Boycott’s case, a deft rearrangement of his bedroom layout aided his struggles with the dreaded cancer. But can this miracle cure really work on Michael’s footballing woes?
“… I wrote to him a while back urging him to give it a go.”
“He hasn’t replied yet.”
Oh.
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