Let’s see what your favourite footballers are doing today

You’ll never stop them all, Sir Alex


We’re in the middle of January, and true to form the weather is shit and absolutely nothing is going on. Like us, you may be wondering what young, moneyed professional footballers do in times like these?

De facto leader of the ‘Footballers on Twitter’ Union, Darren Bent, has just been to JD Sports to buy some trainers, despite having already bought five bags-full from somewhere else three days ago; and apparently considers looking for multi-million pound bachelor pads ‘hard work’. Last week he almost fainted on a plane.

Mikel Areta is being really nice, while beating lusty girls off with a crutch. Keeping with the traditions of professional footballers who own games consoles, Rory Delap only owns two games – FIFA and Call of Duty. Having retired undefeated against James Beattie on FIFA, he is currently trying to broker a deal with Darren Bent to battle his son in a titanic bout of COD.

Robert Earnshaw is shattering his self-styled reputation as a “gentleman/businessman” by comparing the fragrant Lady Sovereign to a dog.

Mark Bright is getting abused by his own followers.

That concludes the Twitter roundup, hopefully forever.

[picture borrowed from Off the Post]

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