Spoiler

Get excited, Gary Neville’s memoirs are in the pipeline!

Gary Neville – footballer, lover… author

Those who enjoyed Jamie Carragher’s autobiography will attest to the fact that, on paper at least, he loses the relentless snorting, hacking, and throat clearing that makes him almost impossible to comprehend in real life. Weirdly, his words read like actual English.

So, the great news is that Gary Neville – he who occasionally communicates in “up yours” gestures at Carlos Tevez – has been signed up to pen his memoirs by the same miraculous publishing house that made Carragher such a soft, almost poetic, flower.

The publishers, Transworld (as reported in The Daily Mail) have managed to nail down the rights to Neville’s autobiography, which he plans to sit up late into the night writing in pencil/crayon, once he’s finally finished hoofing the ball around, and pumping his fists in celebration in front of the wrong set of fans.

The Spoiler is particularly looking forward to possible chapters, like “What? So I celebrated? Wouldn’t you? Get off my back!”, “Yeah I done a rude sign, but so what? You’re not my dad, get out of my face”, and “My wild nights out with Paul Scholes!”

Lovely lad, that Gary Neville. Should be a corker.

• Carlos Tevez
• Gary Neville
• man city
• man united