news in brief

Capello’s back, Evra on Ferguson, Barcelona targets

Fabio – taking care of business

Capello arrives at Heathrow

It will have been a long week for John Terry – probably similar in length to the wait for Christmas when you’re a toddler, or for STD results if you’re the kind of teenager who just can’t be bothered with Rubber Jonathans when you’re getting your groove on. Time to wise up, kids.

Anyway, the good/bad news for Terry is that Fabio Capello has touched down in Blighty, so it’s only a matter of hours before he sits down his captain and mumbles in broken English something along the lines of: “so, JT, tell me all about this horrible sex you’ve been having.”

Should be fun.

Elsewhere in the world, Patrice Evra has suggested that only the cold hand of death can remove Sir Alex Ferguson from his job at Man United. A revelation that conjures images of a rather crude ending to a league match, as Sir Alex slumps forward in the dugout, causing two-thirds of a packet of half-chewed Wrigley’s Spearmint Gum to drop from his mouth, and onto the feet of a shrieking Mike Phelan/Gary Neville.

As reported in today’s Telegraph, the zippy left back said this:

“I don’t think he will call an end to his career. As long as he’s strong he will carry on.”

“He will stay until his last breath.”

Meanwhile, Dynamo Kiev fancy taking Chelsea’s forgotten man, Yuri Zhirkov, on loan for the rest of the season. Barcelona are reportedly keen to snaffle not just Fabregas from Arsenal, but also Eboue. And Ribery might go to Chelsea in the summer.

Or, then again, he might not. He’s his own man, that Franck Ribery.

4 responses so far
  • Eddy kelly // February 4, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    This is a crap report you need to stop trying to get down with the teenagers and write a proper mature report

  • JoshBurt // February 4, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    Eddy, word up! Thanks for your feedback. I shall try.

  • John // February 4, 2010 at 5:41 pm

    Here, Here…I am with Eddy, I want bigger words! More mature reporting with expert insight on the situations…and naked birds!

  • gamblino // February 5, 2010 at 10:16 am

    Fuck off to a proper mature website Eddy Kelly!

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