News In Brief

Mourinho’s mafia issues, transfer update, and more…

“Fuggedaboudit!”

Jose Mourinho

If you’re planning on visiting another country – perhaps to live for a while, or just for a nice holiday – it’s a good idea to do some research. Find out the best places to eat, learn a few local phrases, read up on dress codes. And then delve into murkier waters, and have a look at the people and places to avoid.

For example, if you’re going to America, avoid bearded men in truckers caps. In Russia, look for neck tattoos, then run away. And if you’re in Italy, it’s probably a good idea to stay on the right side of the mafia. You’ll spot them, because they laugh a lot, then suddenly go silent.

All of which leads rather clumsily onto Jose Mourinho, whose Italian adventure has been rather smudged by a mafia-linked almost-robbery on his house.

News from today’s broadsheets (The Daily Mail, The Telegraph, The Times etc) suggests that the four men arrested for spying on the Inter boss were linked with the mafia, and were most likely planning on relieving him of a few choice items.

If Mourinho had been looking for further incentive to return to Blighty, they may just have provided it. Thanks, the Mafia!

In less petrifying news, Arsenal’s big summer target, Marouane Chamakh, still hasn’t officially thumb printed anything, but he did say this:

“I haven’t yet signed at Arsenal.”

“But as the days pass I feel less and less a Bordeaux player.”

“I’ve said though that you will be the first ones to know when I sign.”

Elsewhere, Pavlychenko – rather like a child who has just thrown up in class – now just wants to go home. Chelsea are keen to land Dani Alves from Barcelona, of whom Xavi said this:

“Having Dani Alves in our team is priceless.”

Not quite priceless enough, apparently, being that Chelsea deem him worth around £30million.

And Richard Branson is planning on adding to his collection of balloons, aeroplanes, and music shops, by acquiring Crystal Palace.

Perhaps.


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