Damaged Goods

LIST: “Gifted” players who Vieira could have damaged

Including one of these men…

So Vieira got in trouble – that didn’t take long – for lashing out and landing one right between Glenn Whelan’s legs. The Stoke man has since joked:

“Thank God I am not more well endowed. Maybe if I was a bit bigger it would have hurt more.”

Begging the very serious question – “Whelan’s okay, but who could have been severely circumsized (or worse) by the reckless Vieira challenge?”

Here’s a few that spring to mind:

Dion Dublin – famously well hung, Ferguson allegedly described his penis as “magnificent.” Not so “magnificent” when Vieira’s finished with it, no doubt.

David Beckham and Freddie Ljungberg – both very confident underpants models, barring any unreported use of digital tampering, it’s safe to assume that the Vieira studs would have caused serious mangling, resulting in some very strange future photographs (“is that a withered claw in his underpants?”).

Michael Oakes – the Villa reserve keeper was rumoured to have wowed the dressing room by being even bigger than Dublin himself. With Vieira’s size elevens crashing into his boxers shorts, he’d have been in big trouble, requiring possible penis surgery.

Claude Makelele – dubbed “Tripod”. The real question is, how much damage would he have done to Vieira’s foot?

Gary Pallister – the famous victim of a “phone-in show gone wrong”, he was there to talk about football, the caller rang up to acknowledge his “package” (see above). Vieira would have squashed that like an old tomato that with his angry flailing feet.

Luis Boa Morte - the word from West Ham is that – to steal a phrase from Soccer AM – Boa Morte is the longest in the shower. Rather fittingly, as his surname translates as “dead snake”. Vieira would have killed that snake all over again with his furious limbs.

Any more for any more? Let us know with a comment.


6 responses so far
  • anon // February 19, 2010 at 11:12 am

    I’m sure Viera’s porridge chucker would have done more damage to Glenn Whelan than his foot, just like it happened to Nicolas Anekla.

    It’s all in his autobiography, scary stuff.

    http://crabfootball.com/news-article/nicolas-anelkas-autobiography-shocks-the-literary-world/#more-1487

  • fosters // February 19, 2010 at 11:20 am

    what is this gayness? spoiler your getting worse, this is pathetic

  • Cristiano Ronaldo // February 19, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    Boa Morte means Good Death. Silly spoiler. Write some more stuff about me instead.

  • Boss Hogg // February 19, 2010 at 1:09 pm

    Has it really come to this?

  • memyself // February 19, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    well she had to make sure at 0:32 in the vid

  • Paperboy // February 20, 2010 at 3:04 am

    Good grief.

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