Transfer News

Ashley Cole’s beard, Deco’s off, Mascherano’s new deal…

Beard pictures recreated using Photoshop skills

Ashley Cole

Well, the big news is that Ashley Cole has grown a beard – this is Phase One of any kind of breakdown. Phase Two should find him listening to Girls Aloud records in his underpants, shouting along hysterically to Cheryl’s bits, with a bottle of whiskey in one hand, a revolver in the other.

Then eventually, he’ll make it to Phase Three – typically manifested in celebrity culture by way of an interview insisting that he’s fine now. Totally fine. Completely better. Just getting on with things. Brilliant actually. Yeah, totally fine. Just enjoying life, you know? Not miserable at all. Has he mentioned how brilliant he feels? Oh yeah, he has. Well, it’s true. He feels brilliant. Really brilliant etc…

Phase Four is far too depressing to even talk about.

Anyway, while Ashley Cole begins the rapid descent into Taxi Driver territory, the football world is still turning, and here’s what we know today (thanks to the likes of the Daily Mail, The Mirror, The Telegraph etc…):

Deco has decided to call time on his Chelsea career in the summer, having not quite managed to toast Ancelotti’s onions. The plan is, he claims, to head off to sunny Brazil.

“I want to go back to Brazil. I still have a couple of good years of high-level football in me but I want to be near my kids.”

“Ideally, I’d like to go after the World Cup and I’ve been talking to Chelsea about it.”

In Manchester, it seems that United are still keen to land Angel Di Maria – a man who caused much fluttering on the January transfer market – from Benfica. They’d probably need upwards of £20million in crumpled notes.

Chelsea are also keen on snaffling a rising star from Benfica – the Brazilian defender David Luiz. Valued at around £15million, they will do battle with their Manchester rivals for his thumb print. Both clubs have expressed an interest.

And Liverpool look set to further rattle the club’s piggy bank with a fresh contract worth around £100,000/week to stop Javier Mascherano from upping sticks and leaving after the World Cup.

1 response so far
  • Delboy Dublin // March 2, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    Mentioning Ashley Cole’s beard has been cause for legal proceedings in the past… ahem…

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