News in Brief

Brown snubbed by MOTD2, Campbell for England…

“Hi, it’s Gordon Brown, is that Match of the Day 2?… Yes, I’ll hold…”

Gordon Brown

He’s a few days shy of the last one, so Corey Haim – wonderful in The Lost Boys – will have to wait until 2011 to be included in the Oscars slideshow of cameramen, sound guys, and beautiful beautiful actors who haven’t made it through the year. Newspaper desks will be hurriedly dissecting the late actor’s Wikipedia page, and throwing together a touching obituary right up until 6pm. Then everyone will go home.

Everyone, that is, except the hard workers on the sports desk, who were probably too busy watching football in 1986 to appreciate the actor’s work in Lucas, or in 1990 when he blew everyone’s minds in The Dream Machine. Barely any of them will even have seen Fast Getaway, nor its sequel Fast Getaway II. Such is their dedication to football.

Here’s what we know thanks to those who aren’t grieving at The Daily Mail, The Telegraph, The Sun etc…

The BBC – also known as “Auntie” for some reason – declined an offer from Gordon Brown to appear on Match of the Day 2. The reason stated as being because “it wouldn’t be appropriate in the run-up to the election”. Not, as suspected, because some viewers might be confused by the Scottish man claiming to be Tony Blair. He’s President of England, right?

Elsewhere in the exciting world of politics and sport, Sol Campbell is clearly fighting for the rights of elderly footballers, by not discounting the idea of turning out for England again, despite being, like, 50 or something. He said this:

“You never know. I might get a sniff here or there if I keep on playing. Why not?”

If anyone fancies answering Sol’s rhetorical question with a list of exactly “why nots” in the comments section, please feel free.

And over at Chelsea, Michael Ballack has been served up one of the cock-punches saved over from the Joe Cole contract negotiation meetings, by being offered that chance to stay at the club for another couple of years, but on half-wages.

Apparently he’s actually happy with that.


1 response so far
  • Darren // March 10, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    Dear Mr. Campbell

    Here is a (far from comprehensive) list of the reasons you will more likely find yourself in Southend this summer rather than South Africa (IMHO, of course).

    - Your acceleration can be measured in terms of album releases by The Stone Roses, rather than MPH

    - You have a turning circle equivalent to that of Halley’s comet as it speeds around the cosmos

    - You seemingly have the mental stability of the Crazy Cat Lady from The Simpsons

    - As was proven in the away leg at Porto, that bloke who was in a coma for 26 years and yet aware of everything that happened was more likely to react to events around him than you are, and with more speed

    - You make Wes Brown look like a vaguely competent defender

    - No, fudge that, you make Chris Morgan look like a vaguely competent defender, let alone Wes Brown

    No offence intended, of course, I mean you were quite good in 1998; this is just my opinion. But let’s face it: Steven Taylor, Matthew Kilgallon, and David Wheater are all in front of you in the queue, so if it gets so bad that we can’t even pick three centre-halves from the championship then we should think about not submitting a team at all.

    Anyone, good luck with the rest of your retirement at the heart of Arsenal’s defence.

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