Bad Etiquette

5 footballers behaving rather inappropriately

Oi Robbie! No!

Robbie Fowler 

Those of you with eagle-eyes will have noticed some rather disturbing behaviour during the Man United/Tottenham tie at the weekend. For those who didn’t see it, Nani scored a beauty, then ruined the whole thing a few minutes later by randomly puking his guts out all over the pitch.

With that in mind, here are five other footballers who have deliberately ruined what would otherwise have been a wonderful day out…

Eric Cantona

For all that was magnificent about Eric Cantona, he was rather prone to inappropriate behaviour. Everyone will no doubt remember how he used to take to the pitch with his collars rebelliously upturned like he was a teenage schoolboy, and the nation’s worst fears were brought horrifyingly to life when he decided to launch himself two-footed into the crowd. As expected, he received the necessary dressing down, before talking about sardines in a press conference. Meanwhile, fathers around the country found themselves repeatedly having to explain to their children that kicking little Tommy in the face was not a good thing.

Jens Lehmann

There is a fine line between being a bit of a character, and wholly misjudging a situation, and Jens Lehmann crossed that line on the day he decided to pull out his old chap in front of a crowd of football fans, before casually urinating on some advertising banners. Needless to say, some rather awkward conversations between fathers and sons on the subject of social etiquette ensued.  

Robbie Fowler

It must do all manner of things to a gentleman’s mind when he scores a goal in a local derby. But, unfortunately for Robbie Fowler, the wiring that connects the “behaving appropriately” part of his brain with the “celebrate a goal” bit was obviously malfunctioning on the afternoon that found him on all fours pretending to take cocaine. For weeks to come, fathers were presumably wasting valuable hours explaining drug use to their terrified-but-still-rather-curious offspring. 

Roy Keane

Footballers are role models, both on and off the pitch. And in the tunnel before the match. So it will have been with unexpected horror that innocent football fans will have caught the inside scoop on exactly what goes on before a big game. By the looks of things, Roy Keane shouts and swears, and everyone else just nervously looks at their boots. All around the country, short lectures on how threatening behaviour is not acceptable will have gone on late into the night. 

DaMarcus Beasley

In Jens Lehmann’s defence, at least he managed to do a bit of a wee without fully exposing his penis to onlookers. The American DaMarcus Beasley wasn’t nearly so secretive as he liberated his underpants on the sidelines during an important World Cup game. In most households, this was politely ignored, and never once spoken of. Until now.

Any more for any more?

Let us know your favourite inappropriate fooball moments with a comment.


5 responses so far
  • F.C. Lurker // April 26, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    These are great. The Palace fan got what he deserved.

  • mr. chopper // April 26, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    Erm… I know “they all look the same” you massive racist, but it was Evra who did the sick.

  • em k // April 26, 2010 at 4:42 pm

    The ref’s shorts in the Cantona video are what have ruined my day.

  • JoshBurt // April 26, 2010 at 5:21 pm

    Hi Mr Chopper, to correct you, both men were sick during the match. I chose to highlight Nani’s puking, as it came shortly after his lovely goal….

  • Rod // May 10, 2010 at 7:06 pm

    I think the best inappropriate moment ever was actually Vucinic taking off his shorts after scoring in the end of a game…
    and maybe also some Catania players lowering their shorts to bother a goalkeeper in a foul, helping their team score…

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