10 More footballers who should really be in bands
Can you spot the footballer?
Fans of the site might remember an Excellent List from a few weeks ago, in which it was argued that some footballers really looked like they should hang up their boots, and become members of famous bands instead.
Well, consider this to be Part Two. There are ten more after the jump…
Cesc Fabregas, The Jonas Brothers
For those who don’t keep up with pop music, the Jonas Brothers are popular in America for their lazy rock songs, and their rather Victorian views when it comes to making love to a beautiful woman. Basically, they don’t. They do, however, all look a tiny bit like Cesc Fabregas – who, presumably, can’t even remember what virginity feels like. To jog your memory, it feels weird, Cesc. Really weird. And a bit lonely.
David James, Funkadelic
Over the years, David James has done some wonderful things with his hair. But, never more so than when he sports a wild 1970s afro. It might look strange in the current cultural climate, but rewind 30-or-so years, and he wouldn’t have looked out of place playing a little bit of slap bass for the far out cyber-funk outfit Funkadelic.
Andrey Arshavin, The Beatles
Arsenal’s dinky little fashion designer tends to adopt a steady mop top as his regulation haircut, which rather brings to mind four young men from Liverpool. That’s right, you might know them as: John, Paul, George, and Andrey Arshavin.
Aaron Lennon, N-Dubz
Now, The Spoiler must confess to knowing rather less than your average street urchin about N-Dubz. But, from what we can gather, they sing hardcore rap songs about not wanting to contract venereal diseases from their seven-times-a-night bed partners. All of which has very little to do with Aaron Lennon – but he does shave pointless stripes into his hair, sooo…
Joleon Lescott, Fine Young Cannibals
Ahh, FYC (as they were known) – a band whose singer had a voice like a malfunctioning Moog keyboard, and who danced like giant frogs with their feet nailed to the floor. They were at the very height of cool during the mid-1980s. Joleon Lescott wouldn’t look out of place. There’s just something very Fine Young Cannibals about him. Observe (above).
Alex Song, The Pharcyde
Your hip hop artist tends to fall into two different camps. You get the angry rappers, with their shaved heads and street wisdom. And then you get the conscious political rappers who prefer to look like infuriated vagrants shouting biblical passages from the safety of a wheelie bin. Alex Song – as pointed out by Spoiler reader, Tom - would definitely fall into Category Two. Along with The Pharcyde.
Gareth Bale, Arctic Monkeys
Everyone loves the Arctic Monkeys, with their everyday songs about normal life. They’re the new Smiths. Or the old Kooks. Either way, Tottenham’s resurgent Welshman, Gareth Bale, would blend into the band without anyone batting an eyelid. Solely because his hair looks like it was cut by a confused barber, as Gareth held aloft a picture of the Small Faces and repeatedly grunted that yes, he’s serious, that’s exactly what he wants. Bloody hippies.
Luca Toni, Il Divo
Il Divo – the smouldering opera foursome invented as a kind of female Viagra – have something of a singing secret agent look about them. Like they’d do a song, then silently strangle someone backstage without once breaking eye contact. With his flowing hair, and rugged looks, were Luca Toni able to hit the high notes, he’d be a shoo-in.
Rio Ferdinand, So Solid Crew
No one doubts Rio Ferdinands street credentials – he’s from a rough part of London, he has a fine line in “merking” unsuspecting team mates, and a hunch suggests that were you to casually hand him a mic, he’d immediately start insulting people in rhyme. That makes him ideal So Solid Crew material.
Sergio Ramos, Hanson
To jog your memory, Hanson were the rather effeminate all-brother pop band who managed to alienated thousands of confused young military men who simply couldn’t understand why a gentleman with long blond hair playing keyboards was making them want to have sex. Awkward self-realisations ensued. But, more to the point, Sergio Ramos could definitely be Sergio Hanson.
Any more for any more?
Let us know who you think would look better in a band in the comments section…