Excellent List

10 More footballers who should really be in bands

Can you spot the footballer?

Arshavin Beatles

Fans of the site might remember an Excellent List from a few weeks ago, in which it was argued that some footballers really looked like they should hang up their boots, and become members of famous bands instead.

Well, consider this to be Part Two. There are ten more after the jump…  

Cesc Fabregas, The Jonas Brothers

Fabregas Jonas Brothers

For those who don’t keep up with pop music, the Jonas Brothers are popular in America for their lazy rock songs, and their rather Victorian views when it comes to making love to a beautiful woman. Basically, they don’t. They do, however, all look a tiny bit like Cesc Fabregas – who, presumably, can’t even remember what virginity feels like. To jog your memory, it feels weird, Cesc. Really weird. And a bit lonely.

David James, Funkadelic

David James Funkadelic

Over the years, David James has done some wonderful things with his hair. But, never more so than when he sports a wild 1970s afro. It might look strange in the current cultural climate, but rewind 30-or-so years, and he wouldn’t have looked out of place playing a little bit of slap bass for the far out cyber-funk outfit Funkadelic.

Andrey Arshavin, The Beatles

Arshavin Beatles

Arsenal’s dinky little fashion designer tends to adopt a steady mop top as his regulation haircut, which rather brings to mind four young men from Liverpool. That’s right, you might know them as: John, Paul, George, and Andrey Arshavin.

Aaron Lennon, N-Dubz

Lennon N-Dubz

Now, The Spoiler must confess to knowing rather less than your average street urchin about N-Dubz. But, from what we can gather, they sing hardcore rap songs about not wanting to contract venereal diseases from their seven-times-a-night bed partners. All of which has very little to do with Aaron Lennon – but he does shave pointless stripes into his hair, sooo…

Joleon Lescott, Fine Young Cannibals

Lescott FYC

Ahh, FYC (as they were known) – a band whose singer had a voice like a malfunctioning Moog keyboard, and who danced like giant frogs with their feet nailed to the floor. They were at the very height of cool during the mid-1980s. Joleon Lescott wouldn’t look out of place. There’s just something very Fine Young Cannibals about him. Observe (above).

Alex Song, The Pharcyde

Song Pharcyde

Your hip hop artist tends to fall into two different camps. You get the angry rappers, with their shaved heads and street wisdom. And then you get the conscious political rappers who prefer to look like infuriated vagrants shouting biblical passages from the safety of a wheelie bin. Alex Song – as pointed out by Spoiler reader, Tom - would definitely fall into Category Two. Along with The Pharcyde.

Gareth Bale, Arctic Monkeys

Bale Arctic Monkeys

Everyone loves the Arctic Monkeys, with their everyday songs about normal life. They’re the new Smiths. Or the old Kooks. Either way, Tottenham’s resurgent Welshman, Gareth Bale, would blend into the band without anyone batting an eyelid. Solely because his hair looks like it was cut by a confused barber, as Gareth held aloft a picture of the Small Faces and repeatedly grunted that yes, he’s serious, that’s exactly what he wants. Bloody hippies.

Luca Toni, Il Divo

Toni Il Divo

Il Divo – the smouldering opera foursome invented as a kind of female Viagra – have something of a singing secret agent look about them. Like they’d do a song, then silently strangle someone backstage without once breaking eye contact. With his flowing hair, and rugged looks, were Luca Toni able to hit the high notes, he’d be a shoo-in.

Rio Ferdinand, So Solid Crew

Rio So Solid

No one doubts Rio Ferdinands street credentials – he’s from a rough part of London, he has a fine line in “merking” unsuspecting team mates, and a hunch suggests that were you to casually hand him a mic, he’d immediately start insulting people in rhyme. That makes him ideal So Solid Crew material.

Sergio Ramos, Hanson

Ramos Hanson

To jog your memory, Hanson were the rather effeminate all-brother pop band who managed to alienated thousands of confused young military men who simply couldn’t understand why a gentleman with long blond hair playing keyboards was making them want to have sex. Awkward self-realisations ensued. But, more to the point, Sergio Ramos could definitely be Sergio Hanson.

Any more for any more?

Let us know who you think would look better in a band in the comments section…


10 responses so far
  • Andrew // May 18, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    Love the Gareth Bale one.

    You forgot Torres in Girls Aloud

  • melospurs // May 18, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    What about Paul Scharner from Wigan? He looks like the guy from No Doubt

  • Tom // May 18, 2010 at 2:30 pm

    Hey! No shout out? Alex Song in the Pharcyde was my suggestion last time round. Come on, The Spoiler, play fair.

  • JoshBurt // May 18, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    Tom, it was an inspired suggestion. I shall ammend that right now!

  • matty // May 18, 2010 at 3:53 pm

    tom, man the f*ck up

  • randomsausage // May 18, 2010 at 5:45 pm

    I’ve always thought you could sub-in Carles Puyol for Robert Plant, if he fancied some time off from The Zep.

  • Ziggy // May 18, 2010 at 9:04 pm

    What about Stevan Jovetic? He looks like he could pass as Brian May or even Jimmy Page if you cross your eyes and squint a little… He just looks old school I guess…

  • randomsausage // May 18, 2010 at 9:52 pm

    Andy, sorry Andrew Johnson, is the dead spit of wee Jimmy Sommerville. I hope he didn’t cry-boy-cry after his injury ravaged season.

  • Jake EPL Talk // May 19, 2010 at 2:26 am

    I think Kaka would be good on the Beatles, I see a little McCartney in him.

  • Adelgazar // July 18, 2011 at 8:16 pm

    Hehehehe, for sure! Kaka shold be fantastic as McCartney!

Leave a comment
  1. View comments in RSS feed