Detective Work

Baby Ronaldo – who’s the mummy?

The big question…


When Cristiano Ronaldo “tweeted” the planet to announce the birth of his secret lovechild and to ask for some privacy on the matter, unfortunately The Spoiler only read the first bit.

Hence, like most work places this morning, The Spoiler office has been a din of excited voices, a hub of wild speculation as to who could mother such a wonderful little bundle of joy.

Unfortunately, such is the Real Madrid man’s well-documented thirst for mind blowing intercourse, that there’s certainly no shortage of candidates.

One thing that can be immediately deciphered from Ronny’s past conquests – man-voiced Hollyoaks star Gemma Atkinson, leggy tennis Russian Maria Sharapova, buxom Big Brother Welsh woman Imogen Thomas, US Princesses Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, underpants model Irinia Shayk - is that he doesn’t really have a type.

He’ll take blondes, brunettes, legs, breasts, gargantuan behinds. Probably even redheads. Although there have been some important reveals:

a) She is an American – although it can’t be Hilton or Kardashian, because they haven’t appeared on the party circuit with what looks like an old man’s beer gut fighting for exposure in the last nine months.

b) She shares the universal thirst for sweating passionately betwixt Ronaldo’s beautiful satin bedsheets.

c) She’s a fertile woman, and would have accessed the Ronaldo seed sometime in September 2009.

d) Face it, she really could be anyone.


8 responses so far
  • Kaka // July 5, 2010 at 12:49 pm

    I cant believe he cheated on me :(

  • Rooney // July 5, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    you to? and I thought I was his one and only.

  • FB // July 5, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    (Comment edited for being rather offensive, keep it clean folks! – Ed)
    Just goes to show, you can never really tell.
    Maybe he bought a kid a la madonna, he’s not short of a bob or two. Yeah, that’s it I reckon.

  • andy // July 5, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    To the ‘person’ calling themselves FB – I suggest you temper your appalling homophobic views or avoid this site altogether.

    Bigotry of this kind is never acceptable, especially when expressed in such a cowardly anonymous way.

    If Ronaldo is indeed gay and paid for a surrogate mother to have his child, so what?

  • anna // July 5, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    it’s very unlikely that it’s from a surrogate. why would he plan for a baby just after moving to madrid, joining a new club, and having so many upheavals in his life? and that too to be a single parent who has so many other commitments? this theory defies logic.

  • mmmm // July 5, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    Hilarious about the g-a-y rumours. I never even knew there were any.

    I mean, I think he’s a (albeit very talented) twat as much as the rest of you, but come on… given he’s such a blatant womaniser that smells rather of the green monster.

  • FB // July 5, 2010 at 5:10 pm

    To the person calling themselves ‘Andy’, If I’ve offended you in any way, please accept my apologies…
    My post was riddled with foul language, it questioned ronaldo’s sexual orientation, the value of his potential as a father and in turn, exposed my discomfort in the
    amount of money he earns as a professional footballer.
    At no point did I mention him having ‘paid for a surrogate mother’ – do you have some insider information you’d care to share?

    Josh, apologies as above.

  • ronaldo (el phenomeno) // July 6, 2010 at 2:24 am

    I am the mother..I had a sex operation so as to be able to give birth to our child. We are very happy now..We will name him Diego

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