Cancel Christmas, Cristiano Ronaldo ISN’T getting married!

Or is he?

Irina Shayk

At least twenty minutes this morning have been spent scooping oozing chunks of warm egg from The Spoiler’s face. Not an embarrassing breakfast mishap, you understand, but a clever metaphor.

The eggs symbolise a mixture of shame and humiliation, and this short piece represents the busy hands frantically spooning the stuff away, before it dries and becomes really smelly.

The reason for this shame: we reported that Cristiano Ronaldo was going to make an honest man of himself by marrying an underpants model, but apparently we were way off.

As it turns out, it was a bogus Irina Shayk Facebook page that reported the impending Christmas nuptials, and now the real Irina has stepped in to inform the world that she doesn’t actually like talking about what goes on behind the scenes when she isn’t working the camera in a set of up-the-bum bikini knickers.

Talking of which, here she is being really ”fierce” (and rather NSFW)… 

4 responses so far
  • JamRag // July 23, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    I could quite happily spend the rest of my days (part of the comment deleted for being inappropriate – please try and keep comments in tune with the site, readers – ED).

  • JamRag // July 23, 2010 at 2:19 pm

    ^ what is the tune of the site? Heat magazine inspired celebrity fluff or an acerbic look into the world of football and the ridiculous human beings who play the modern game?

    If its the former, please allow me to re-post:

    I could quite happily spend the rest of my days reading about the fabulous life of Christiano Ronaldo and his beautiful girlfriends. It makes me feel glad to be alive, that such fabulous people exist. I hope they do tie the knot. OMG can you imagine how beautiful their children will be??

  • JoshBurt // July 23, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    Sideways glances are wholly encouraged JamRag, so long as they don’t veer too far above a 15 rating… do please keep posting comments, always much appreciated, just not ones which are quite so, erm, graphic.

  • SuzyQ // July 24, 2010 at 5:25 am

    OMG she’s going to become a lawyer when she quits modelling, and I’m one too….guess you never judge a book by its cover, eh? Smart girl underneath all that posing and appearance fixation? :)

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