News in brief

Kaka’s knackered, Coleen’s tatt, A.Cole goes dancing

Plus this rather funny picture…


Those schooled in philosophy can talk endlessly about the true value of everyday objects. Is a pencil still a pencil when no one is using it? Likewise, is a transfer window still a window, even though nothing is going on?

Who knows?

Deep thinking aside, there has been at least a glimmer of activity on the outer circles of football business, and here’s what’s been going on, as reported in newspapers like The Daily Mail, The Daily Star, The Daily Mirror, and The Daily Guardian

If you heard an “oi oi! oof!” sound coming from the King’s Road today, that’ll just be a Chelsea boardroom member checking his iPhone to find that Kaka has totally buggered up his knee, and now faces four months out.

The Brazilian had been widely touted as one of the big name moves of the summer, but will now have to endure endless medical manipulation, and soft butter massages from Real Madrid nurses instead.

In other Chelsea related news, tuts and grumbles have also been heard coming from various showbusiness desks, thanks to some startling pictures of Ashley Cole looking moody outside the hoity toity London wine bar China White.

This might be because everyone knows that China White is so very 2005, darling.

Interestingly, he is photographed in the choice football fashion garment of the summer – a 1950s movie icon T-shirt. SWP was recently spotted with James Dean emblazoned on his chest, here Ashley Cole is paying an homage to Marlon Brando.

Rumours that Theo Walcott has been spotted in a Cliff Richard top are completely made up.

In Premier League wives and girlfriends news, Coleen Rooney has ensured a lifetime of guilt for her baby by having the name “Kai” painfully tattooed onto the underside of her wrist – a notoriously sensitive area.

Cries of “but mummy did THIS for you!” can be heard echoing from the future.

And everyone’s been splurging up mouthfuls of cappuccino after catching a glimpse of Christine Bleakley’s muscles.

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