Transfer Talk

Michael Owen bound for the Wild West, and more…

Michael Owen – gert lush?

Michael Owen

As you can most probably imagine, The Spoiler offices are a whirring hub of speculation, and today talk morphed from a light hearted discussion about Frank Lampard’s melted-down golden iPods, into a hysterical debate about what you might find on Lampsie’s personal stereo.

The consensus seems to be: any number of Hed Kandi compilations, and perhaps a bit of Mary J Blige/Usher. If you have an opinion on this, please leave your suggestions in the comments section.

Anyway, less music speculation, more transfer news. Here’s what we know thanks to the likes of The Sun, The Daily Mail, and The Guardian

England’s second least charismatic dinner party guest from the England 1998 World Cup squad, Michael Owen, might yet find himself at the England old boys retirement club, Bristol City.

Presumably a massive Phil Collins fan, Owen has been linked with a move to the West Country, after Sir Alex Ferguson received a prank call from some scrumpy’ed-up farmhands asking for Danny Welbeck, to which he called their bluff and made a serious offer of Michael Owen.

On the other side of Manchester – past Coronation Street, and just a small plane journey over a stretch of forest that acts as a natural thatched roof to Gary Neville’s sprawling underground city – Man City are literally this close to telling Balotelli to sod off with his preposterous wage demands, and turning attention to the ex-United should-be-shampoo-model, Diego Forlan. Presumably because he’s worth it.

A few hundred miles down south, the talk at Chelsea is whether to cash in on the man that Jamie “Jarhead” Redknapp likes to call “Jerk Off”. Apparently Zenit St Petersburg have offered £21million for Zhirkov the forgotten Russian. Redknapp will need to find his punditry fun elsewhere. 

In two-word news:

Poulsen, Liverpool.

Bellamy, Celtic.

Camoranesi, Birmingham?

And in three-word news:

Ramires, Chelsea, done.

That is all.

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