Carlton Cole releases iPhone app all about Carlton Cole
Well, at least it’s free.
Stop the presses! West Ham ace Carlton Cole has got himself a shiny new mobile phone application – Carlton’s World. According to the man himself, The Official Carlton Cole App will give “exclusive access to my life outside football. Anything from a night out to sitting at home
spit-roasting fit girls playing computer games with my mates.”
- A detailed history of Carlton’s England career – 7 caps!*
- Video tips on how to take free kicks (and stray offside)
- Recipes – Carlton’s signature dish is beans on toast with Tabasco
- Updates on charity work (fair play)
- and the groundbreaking new feature ‘Ask Carlton’, which allows fans direct access to the hotshot striker, ‘no holes [sic] barred’!
Carlton’s fearless approach to bringing you the truth and the light has already led to one explosive revelation: the mysterious ‘third man’ in the cap-poppingly fatal mid-’90s feud between rappers Notorious B.I.G. and 2Pac wasn’t oversized playground bully Suge Knight, but 92-year-old South African icon Nelson Mandela:
Q: What [sic] five people would you have round to dinner dead or alive? Nick
A: Nelson Mandela, Biggy and Tupac so I can sit them down and say why are you fighting, Michael Jackson and finally Oprah Winfrey, hopefully so I can get on her show!!
Carlton’s World – out NOW!
* the bit about accepting a call up to play for Nigeria blatantly omitted.