iSolipsist

Carlton Cole releases iPhone app all about Carlton Cole

Well, at least it’s free.

ccoleapp.jpg

Stop the presses! West Ham ace Carlton Cole has got himself a shiny new mobile phone application – Carlton’s World. According to the man himself, The Official Carlton Cole App will give “exclusive access to my life outside football. Anything from a night out to sitting at home spit-roasting fit girls playing computer games with my mates.”

Features include:

  • A detailed history of Carlton’s England career – 7 caps!*
  • Video tips on how to take free kicks (and stray offside)
  • Recipes – Carlton’s signature dish is beans on toast with Tabasco
  • Updates on charity work (fair play)
  • and the groundbreaking new feature ‘Ask Carlton’, which allows fans direct access to the hotshot striker, ‘no holes [sic] barred’!

Carlton’s fearless approach to bringing you the truth and the light has already led to one explosive revelation: the mysterious ‘third man’ in the cap-poppingly fatal mid-’90s feud between rappers Notorious B.I.G. and 2Pac wasn’t oversized playground bully Suge Knight, but 92-year-old South African icon Nelson Mandela:

Q: What [sic] five people would you have round to dinner dead or alive? Nick

A: Nelson Mandela, Biggy and Tupac so I can sit them down and say why are you fighting, Michael Jackson and finally Oprah Winfrey, hopefully so I can get on her show!!

Carlton’s World – out NOW!

* the bit about accepting a call up to play for Nigeria blatantly omitted.


2 responses so far
  • Genius // August 20, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    Anything from a night out to sitting at home spit-roasting fit girls playing computer games with my mates.”

    pmsl!!! Nice one Richard!!!

  • Linn // August 21, 2010 at 7:49 am

    I know why u aint scoring goals for WestHAM

    u bz blogging LOL

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