Who’s been cutting holes in Chelsea players’ pants?
(he’s going for ‘Sherlock Holmes’ here, not ‘inbred sheepherder’)
In what could possibly be an early contender for most shamelessly made up story of the season, the News of the World are reporting the Chelsea dressing-room has been living in fear of attack from a mysterious pants murderer – for the past 12 months. *gasps* *faints*
Frank Lampard revealed up to two times a week the players come back from training at the Blues’ setup in Cobham to find their stylish kecks butchered:
It’s gone on for about a year. We get in to find the bum cheeks cut out of our underpants. It has to be one of the players. They are the only ones with access. You might get two hits in a week, then he won’t attack for a month or so.
I’ve a good idea who it is but wouldn’t dream of making accusations until I have proof.
DCI Lampard on the case. But who’s likely to be the culprit? Bearing in mind it’s always the one you’re least likely to suspect, The Spoiler reckons it’ll be Hilario, in a desperate cry for attention.