SEX SCANDALZ...ZZZ

Finding a silver living in Wayne Rooney’s stupidity

A grand a night for Jennifer Thompson? You got merked, Wazza.

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If, like many of us, you met news of Wayne Rooney putting his gnarled willy inside some attention-seeking tart with a world-weary sigh, today probably hasn’t been the most exciting day for football news (although it’s made international week slightly more interesting.)

The only comfort The Spoiler has had is in uncovering some of the unintentionally hilarious anecdotes borne of the months-in-the-pipeline scandal:

Brass a la mode (sorry Monica Mint), Jenny Thompson on Wayne’s relationship with a certain winking Portugeezer:

The only time he ever mentioned one of the other players was when we were at a party one night and he called Cristiano Ronaldo a ‘w***er’.

Wayne and I were standing in the smoking area when Ronaldo walked past, and Wayne muttered ‘F***ing w***er’ after him.

Poor CR9. Ms. Thompson also tells of an encounter with not-knackered family man and occasional football star, Michael Owen:

We hadn’t arranged to meet but Wayne spotted me in the crowd. About half hour later he held my hand in front of everyone and led me away down these stairs.

Michael Owen was looking at him in disgust.

Exceptional. There was even a bit of illumination on modern footballers’ strange disregard for their health (why is riding motorbikes banned by football clubs, but not smoking?) and the customary lack of respect for coin:

Five minutes after sex he said he wanted a smoke and got the guy from the desk downstairs to go and get them. He paid him £200 or something ridiculous like that for a packet of Marlboro.

£200?! Wazza must have been a nervous wreck. Perhaps ‘Juicy Jenny’s services are worth a grand after all.

The final word should be left to Natalie Rooney, Wayne’s 20-year-old cousin:

Other footballers have girls begging to have sex with them. He pays for it. Lost all my respect for him now!

Wouldn’t you be ashamed? Look how many kids he’s a role model to and he does that while his wife’s carrying his child. It’s disgusting.

Well said, Natalie, well sa…

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… oh.


7 responses so far
  • Xusen // September 6, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    Arght……….my eyes, please put a NSFW tag on this.

    Anyone know a good memory wipper? MIB where are you, i need a zap.

  • yalpski // September 6, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    You never saw a human breast? Ever been to an art museum? I don’t think it hurt your eyes.

  • shay // September 6, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    uh, ewww.

  • Dan // September 6, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    What’s with all the sympathy for this fat granny shagger? Ooh he was led astray by ‘some attention-seeking tart’ cheating knobhead! His smoking explains alot too, he looked as if he was on 60-a-day during the WC…

    Never see Giggs or Scholes up to this sort of thing, I’m sure they’ll have lost a lot of respect for him too. Well done Wayne keep up the good work.

  • Dan // September 6, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    ‘Nice to see your own fans booing you.That’s what loyal support is,’

    About a loyal as you are to Coleen?

  • Kevin // September 6, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    Cr9 is a wanker? At least he’s got enough sense to realize he can’t help himself when it comes to women, and so doesn’t get married. Also, he’s a total pretty boy, but he’s serious about football, and I can’t imagine him smoking.

  • Fat Nakago // September 7, 2010 at 5:54 am

    Hmmm…. she looks like Paul McCartney with a blonde wig and strap-on boobs. *hrrrrr*

    No amount of money….not even a $1…..

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