News in brief

Messi doesn’t do reading, Michael Owen talks tough

Ahh, great times

Owen and Houllier 

As suggested by this year’s Big Brother winner Josie, whenever you’re feeling low, it’s a good idea to think about someone worse off than yourself. The buxom milkmaid thought about a lady who had her face ripped off by a monkey. The Spoiler now thinks of George Michael in prison, tearfully singing Careless Whisper to mentalists with shivs.

Best of luck, George. 

Here’s what we know about football, thanks to the likes of The Sun, The Times, The Mirror and the rest…

Lionel Messi was mobbed by a gaggle of terrifying street kids up on Hackney Marshes yesterday, when he turned up for some kind of promotional campaign.

When quizzed about his reading habits by a Sun reporter, Messi further endeared himself to his star-struck audience with these inspiring words:

“I don’t read books.”  

Well, quite, Lionel. Why would anyone?

In a double-whammy of Michael Owen news, the striker has attempted to stir the pot, by insisting that the big Premier League match that excites him most is “probably the Manchester Derby” (see more on Betfair Football). Not the fixture against Liverpool.

Needless to say, everyone is completely livid about that.

Everyone apart from Gerard Houllier who wants to take him to Aston Villa:

“He has always been in my thoughts. I like him (Owen), as a player and a man.”

And in three word news:

Valencia operation, good

That is all.

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