Vote for a football couple that you can believe in…
Whoever shall replace them?
For a short while back there, it looked like Ashley and Cheryl or Wayne and Coleen or Peter and Abbey might fill the inevitable void that will become ever more gaping once David Beckham finally hangs up his diamond football slippers.
Who will be football’s glamour couple that you can really believe in now? All this whoring business has ruined EVERYTHING.
Anyway, funny you should ask, because The Spoiler has drawn up a shortlist of five couples. None of whom appear to be JT and Toni Terry. Funny that.
Option 1: Steven and Alex Gerrard
Him a rampaging England skipper, her a professional perfumier and fashion designer, who has just unleashed her Forever Unique range. Standout items include: a shiny dress that looks like it has been made from liquid gold, and a jacket that appears to have been fashioned from the skins of baby pandas. She’s very popular with high level Hollyoaks players, he has had the same haircut since he was born.
Option 2: Jamie O’Hara and Danielle Lloyd
Not so long ago, Danielle Lloyd was scraping her reputation up off the floor after triple-teaming Shilpa Shetty with the late Jade Goody, and the one from S Club 7. Now look at her. Doting mother, common law wife to Jamie O’Hara. It’s only a matter of time before these two dazzle America and make friends with Tom Cruise. Or, indeed, not.
Option 3: Joe and Carly Cole
For a while, it looked like these two had it in the bag. With his magnificent skills, his Beckham-esque voice, and her natural beauty, they should really be the number one English football couple already. Unfortunately, most illusions were pretty much obliterated when Carly decided to go on I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! where she spent a couple of weeks silently wandering around near the shower area, toying with the idea of getting in, whilst way too frightened to actually say anything to anyone in case she sounded silly. Not an ideal contestant.
Option 4: Theo Walcott and Melanie Slade
Ooh, this one might make sense. He’s still a great young prospect, she’s his childhood sweetheart. Barring any surprising late night sex sessions with dirty tarts, these two could go far. Rather romantically, the pair met in WestQuay shopping centre in Southampton. She was presumably looking at cocktail dresses whilst he was pissed up and on the prowl for tail. Not.
Option 5: Frank Lampard and Christine Bleakley
Not so much Posh and Becks, these two look far more likely to become the new Jamie and Louise Redknapp. The similarities are almost endless. Both stylish, both great looking, both independently successful, both weirdly difficult to like. It’s a mystery. Can someone please explain why those Jamie and Louise Thomas Cook adverts make The Spoiler think some very dark thoughts?
Cast your votes!