Cheryl Cole acts out revenge-fantasy against ex Ashley in new song



Right, there’s nowt else going on today, so let’s have a gossip about the nation’s rose Cheryl Cole!

Apparently she’s taken time out of a busy schedule spent catching malaria and receiving X Factor-related death threats to put her name to a song which has a right pop at ex-hubby Ashley Cole.

According to The Sun, the lyrics include “lines about slashing his tyres, burning his suits, knocking back apologies, blocking calls and selling all her diamonds.” Ooh, blocked calls! Have that Ashley, you cheating get!

The opening lines go thusly:

I cried when I heard you were cheatin’

I cried when I said I was leavin’

I cried when my heart stopped believin’

But I’m all out of tears

That’s really poetic, Cheryl.

Can anyone come up with a better verse for Mr. Cole?

Again… it’s a slow news day. Sorry.   :(

6 responses so far
  • Hektor // October 14, 2010 at 4:24 pm

    Thought it couldn’t get no scarier,
    then I contracted Malaria.
    Stuck on gay inland waterway barge,
    Cole going nowhere and who’s in charge?
    Crying like a peacock without wings,
    singing about diamonds and things.
    Sitting with Simon earning money for beers.
    And me? I’m all out of tears.

  • Wayne Bridge // October 14, 2010 at 5:38 pm

    Now I know how it feels to be like Wayne.
    Misery following me around like rain.
    Its all that chocolate orange blokes fault.
    I hope he falls over an everyone laughs at him.

  • moo // October 14, 2010 at 7:17 pm

    I used to be your favourite wag
    but then you met that dirty slag
    the story made me lots of money
    so really it was worth it honey.
    but if i see you with her again all flirty
    i’ll tell the sun how your phone got so dirty

  • Hitler // October 14, 2010 at 9:42 pm

    To the tune of Hey Jude:

    Hey Ash,
    Don’t make it bad,
    Take a samsung and make it browner,
    Remember to put it onto vibrate,
    Then you can start to make it browner.

    I would write more verses, but I’m off to get my gay on and stick a phone up my arse.


  • Coolface // October 15, 2010 at 6:01 am

    I married you thinking of my career
    To the tabloids, we would ourselves endear
    I would have put up with all the cheating
    If I wasn’t with your income by now competing
    Buy my new track, “Happy Tears”.

  • melaku // October 15, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    thata s good song ashley is still playing well and he is loving guy

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