The Spoiler’s ‘Top Tekkers’ Premier League XI

A list of the league’s finest purveyors of silk(y skills)


Everyone likes a cheeky flick, an acrobatic finish or a laser-guided pass, none more so than Spoiler reader Daryl Noble, who has gone to the effort of compiling a list of the eleven greatest fleet-footed wizards in the country.

Take it away, Daryl…

Right, seeing as we clearly have a dearth of home-grown talent when it comes to retaining the round bouncy thing that occasionally gets in the way of a good ol’ slide tackle, let’s cheat and see what kind of ‘Tekkers XI’ we can generate from across our nation’s wonderful top-flight…


Pepe Reina: Sublime distribution, especially with his feet. What else would you expect from a Spaniard?


Ryan Taylor: Yes, the one that can’t get into the Newcastle team. I suggest you search some of his YouTube free-kicks.

Leighton Baines: Another dead ball…. actually, I hate the overuse of the term ‘dead ball specialist’. Another good free-kick taker and has a better all-round game than Taylor.

Thomas Vermaelen: Close call between Vermaelen and Agger, but Vermaelen gets the nod on the basis that he’s first choice at his club.

Rio Ferdinand (C): He started off as a centre midfielder, dontcha know. Much maligned for his casual style, nobody can really argue Rio’s ability ON the ball.


Tom Huddlestone: Reminds me of a MASSIVE Rolls Royce on a narrow one way road. Hums beautifully [oo-er! - Ed.] but distinctly lacking in the mobility department.

Cesc Fabregas: Shouldn’t really be on this list as he is essentially on loan from the Spanish league, but ah well.

Paul Scholes: Getting on a bit, but can still ping it about better than any Blackberry on the market (sorry.)

Gareth Bale: If Shunsuke Nakamura had a child with Dirk Kuyt, their offspring wouldn’t be far off Mr Bale (maybe throw a chimp into that equation.)

Mikel Arteta: Does it matter that he wasn’t born in England? Was Hargreaves? Was Owen? All he needs is a Bic trim and to drop that silly ‘Mikel’ thing. Your names Michael mate.


Dimitar Berbatov: First touch is so ridiculous it seems he doesn’t really care about a 2nd or 3rd


Van Persie: If he ever actually played a full season he might win a sport ahead of Berba

Gudjohnsen: He went to Barca as a striker and ended up playing in midfield. For Barca.

Van der Vaart: Thrust himself onto the list just ahead of Raul Meireles due to his wonderful start to the season. Flash in the pan? We will see.

Wilshere: Won’t say anything, as I don’t want to jinx England next … almost

Agger: Behind Gerrard, who would Liverpool fans most like to see latching onto a moving ball from 30 yards out?

Agree/disagree? Drop your picks below…

6 responses so far
  • Matt // October 15, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    Someone’s a Chelsea hater. 3 center backs and no A. Cole?? And Drogba???

  • Tony // October 15, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    I would say Marc Wilson for his passing range with both feet.. but other than that decent selection.

    This Mobility thing about Huddlestone is SO DATED.. he’s dealt with 3 man midfields this season and all last season against the “Big 4″ teams. His all round game in unreal now.. as for his technique.. there’s none better for me.

    Andd im a an arsenal fan!

  • Sean O'Larssony // October 17, 2010 at 5:55 pm

    “Gareth Bale: If Shunsuke Nakamura had a child with Dirk Kuyt, their offspring wouldn’t be far off Mr Bale (maybe throw a chimp into that equation.)”


    Premiership technique? Well look north of the border mate. Mr Anthony Stokes against rangers…

    Dimitar Stokes-itov…..check this out…

    Unbelievable tekkers…..

  • Sean O'Larssony // October 17, 2010 at 5:56 pm

    Link here –


  • Daryl // October 19, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    Yes Matt I hate Chelsea, but grudgingly admire them at the same time. I actually think Drogba is the best CF in the world and has been for the last 2/3 years. I also think since Evra’s form dipped after the 08/09 season Cole has been the stand out left back in world (European) football, however neither will say that their tekkers is their prime asset (although Drogba seems to think he’s Bergkamp these days.) Chelsea let their 2 most technically gifted palyers leave in Deco and Ballack.
    As for Tom Huddlestone, I appreciate his form this season and am a massive admirer. He still turns like a bus though….

    SUBLIME Tekkers from Stokes, take a bow son

  • Mike // October 21, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    A great list but come on mate even as much as I hate Chelsea and Ashley Cole he needs to make toe squad. Just for his Arsenal background.

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