Spoiler

What do you need to say to get Cheryl Cole into bed?

(pic now works as a ghostly representation of the Coles’ marriage)

According to Cheryl herself, as told to omnipresent toff twat Piers Morgan, the only line Ashley needed was:

hey hotlips, nice bum

By God, they were a classy pair.

Here’s a bonus blind item from Mirror Football‘s excellent 3pm column:

Which Midlands striker’s affair with a pop starlet was scuppered when she invited him to visit her in Chicago during the summer but his lack of a Geography GCSE meant he booked tickets to the wrong country?

[via Mirror Football]

• Ashley Cole
• Cheryl Cole