Jose Mourinho slyly thumbs his nose at Rafa Benitez

Rafa – downtrodden

Benitez and Mourinho

In relationship terms, Liverpool fans might at least find some comfort in the fact that while Roy Hodgson isn’t exactly meeting their needs sexually, their ex-boyfriend, Rafa Benitez, still can’t bring his new Italian girlfriend to orgasm.

Word has it that she’s going to waste one more ribbed condom on him, and if he doesn’t make it worth her while, he’s chucked.

Further to that – and very befitting of this rather awkward far-too-early-in-the-morning sex-based metaphor – Inter’s “the one”, Jose Mourinho, took a pause from making earth shattering, planet aligning love to his Spanish mistress to make sly digs at his impotent successor at the popular Italian club.

He said this on hearing that Rafa had failed to perform AGAIN (as spotted by our pals at Dirty Tackle):

“But how? Has he lost again?”

“It’s incredible. They are already nine points behind…”

Meanwhile, in a beautiful cottage somewhere on the outskirts of Milan, a man who looks like Buster from Arrested Development scrawled “slut” on his chest in lipstick, and slagged himself off into a mirror.

Poor Rafa.

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