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2018 World Cup presentations over, last chance to gamble!

“Kneel before Zod!”

Prince William

For those who missed it, that was some dynamite television.

To summarise: for Holland/Belgium, Cruyff complained about fat kids, they showed a Poirot film, then Gullit attempted to flog bikes to Fifa, explaining that “bikes are not a gimmick”.

Spain/Portugal stood staring at their feet, mumbling something about how everyone goes there on holiday anyway, so, you know, why not take advantage of the crowds?

England sent out Eddie Afekafe from Manchester to talk about poverty, then immediately followed him with Prince William from Buckingham Palace, before finishing with one of David Beckham’s brilliant childhood anecdotes. This one was called “My grandfather took me to see Spurs… by DAVID BECKHAM”.

Russia then wrapped things up by barging onto the stage, shouting “who wants a boring presentation? Here’s a short film!” It starred Andrey Arshavin playing Andrey Arshavin in a child’s dream about taking a free kick at the World Cup. Such powerful imagination presumably left Fifa’s executive committee mopping tears from their cheeks with voting slips.

England are now the favourites, but a hunch suggests that Spain, boring though they were, could swoop in on the back of a wonderful El Clasico. Place your bets here.

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