JOB SECTION

Martin Jol favourite to take over Newcastle job – who do you think should get it?

The big man has made himself available

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Martin Jol handed in his notice at Ajax last night, hours after Newcastle announced they were parting ways with Chris Hughton. Naturally, the news has sent his odds to take over at St. James park tumbling.

Let’s have a look at Jol and the other runners and riders in contention for the job no-one in their right mind should actually want – only the most mental gaffers need apply.

Martin Jol2/1 @ Betfair

The bookies’ favourite, Big Martin Jol already has previous with Newcastle – ask your local Spurs fan about his [alleged] attempt to engineer a money-spinning move oop north during his reign at White Hart Lane.

Will Jol be able to take Newcastle further than Chris Hughton? Perhaps, for a season or so. Then his awful, conjunctivitis-ridden eye for a transfer (seriously, bar El Hamdaoui, he’s bought some absolute tat in the past 5/6 years) and propensity for running out of tactical ideas will kick in, and it’ll all end in tears.

Is he mental enough?: 3 out of 10 – Not really, no. On the contrary, Jol has a reputation as being so nonchalant and dreamy about everything he may as well issue match instructions while reclining on a chaise longue, injecting opium. COULD SUCH COOL-HEADED RATIONALITY LAST AT ST. JAMES PARK?

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Alan Pardew5/2

Pardew a) is not exactly a huge step up from Hughton and b) has a history of clashing with his staff. With the sheer number of explosive characters currently milling around St. James Park’s dressing room, none of whom will be too happy in the wake of Hughton’s departure, we bet it’d only be a matter of time before slight dips in form led to massive rifts.

Plus, Newcastle would have more chance of success studying The Spoiler‘s FM 2011 tactics than listening to Pardew’s pearls of wisdom.

Is he mental enough?: 7 out of 10 – Quite. When not jigging on touchlines and provoking Frenchmen, Pards can be found x-ing his y’s z’s and finding tasteful new applications for the word ‘rape’. We reckon he’d settle in quickly.

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Martin O’Neill9/1

…wouldn’t touch this job with a barge pole.

Is he mental enough?: 0 out of 10 – If it happens we’ll eat our hats. And we’re wearing some mighty big hats right now. It’s quite cold out.

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Diego Maradona149/1

The little maestro has made clear his desire to manage in the Premier League, and we can all agree there would be no finer sight than to see Diego bowling across the Tyne Bridge in an ill-fitting suit, bottle of Brown Ale in one hand and a bin-liner full of coke for [absolutely no-one in Newcastle United's drug-free squad, just say "no" - SPOILER LAWYERS] in the other.

Is he mental enough?: 14 out of 10 – Even Mike Ashley would be in awe at the level of fuckery El Diego could wreak on Tyneside.

Who do YOU reckon should take over the reins at St. James Madhouse?


3 responses so far
  • Fat Nakago // December 7, 2010 at 6:10 am

    Diego Maradona + Joey Barton = FUCK YEH!!!

    BRING it!!!

  • Dazinho // December 7, 2010 at 10:28 am

    It’s difficult to say who has done football in this country the most harm. Ashley is right up there, but he has a lot of competition – Pete Winkelman, Peter Ridsdale, Ken Bates, Hicks & Gillette, The Glazers, Rupert Murdoch …

  • Lloyd // December 8, 2010 at 3:53 am

    Oh, God…I can’t put into words how much I would love having El Diego at Newcastle! It would be like having Ossie manage a team while high on crack.

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