Clever ideas

6 suggestions on how to keep hold of Tevez

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Tevez road sign 

The word on the street is that Mancini is due to have a sit down with Tevez in a bid to make him stay, but the wise man will tell you that actions often speak far louder than words. With that in mind, find six suggested courses of action after the jump. Feel free to add your own in the comments section… 

Put his face on road signs - when Carlos Tevez was the United baiting face of Manchester, it was a cultural high point for the city, and you might have noticed that he wasn’t grumbling so much back then. Why not up the impact by placing Tevez’s face on motorway signs all the way up to the most wonderfully charcoal skyed city of the lot? Can’t hurt.

Get Diego Maradona involved – throbbing football minds like Jamie “Jarhead” Redknapp and Alan Shearer will often wax lyrical about players “just needing an arm around them”. Could it be that all Tevez needs is a manic football legend going totally berserk at the side of the pitch? Worth a try.

Bespoke snoods – he absolutely loves a fashionable winter snood, that Carlos Tevez. Hence, what better way to urge him to stay in amongst the icy winds of north England than with a one-off snood absolutely peppered in expensive jewels? Totally pointless in any other country that knows winter sun.

Recall Craig Bellamy – remember how these two stood happily side by side whilst Bellamy had a pop at John Terry? Great times, top buds.

Recreate his hometown of Ciudadela in the Peak District – you’ve heard of model villages. How hard can it be to make an actual town?

Make Piola Vago the house band at Panacea – it’s Wayne Rooney’s favourite fight club, awash with the cream of Manchester’s most eligible batcherlorettes. Cue music!

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