A short guide for anyone looking to join Aston Villa…
It looks like PASTA!
As reported in today’s Daily Mail, Gerard Houllier has decreed it a total lack of commitment to sign for Aston Villa and NOT move to Birmingham.
With that in mind, The Spoiler thought it high time to throw together a few facts about Birmingham to act as a makeshift brochure for anyone weighing up the pros and cons of trotting out for Villa. Most of them from the top of our collective head.
If you love chocolate – or suffer from chocoholism which is slowly destroying your marriage – then Birmingham is definitely the place for you. Back in medieval times, they made Cadbury’s Dairy Milks there, in a small area called Bournville, which you might recognise from its link with the revolting bitter dark chocolate that used to float your nan’s onions during the war.
There’s a massive shopping centre thing called The Bull Ring, which is great for buying expensive trinkets for your woman – but less good at sign-posting where the nearest toilet might be, according to a totally unprompted confessional from one member of The Spoiler office.
It’s steeped in inventive brainyness. The inventor James Watt saw out the remainder of his life in Birmingham, having been born in rural Scotland. He created a unit of power called a “watt”, now found in light bulbs. And fans of cars will be thrilled to know that the Mini was first crafted in Birmingham – presumably known in those days as a “minnuy”.
Built on high ground, it’s 500 to 1000 feet above sea level. Whatever that means.
There’s a hilarious stretch of intertwining roads called Spaghetti Junction, which not only makes driving fun, but also very confusing. It’s like a surprise rollercoaster!
Some really hot girls come from Birmingham… and here they are (in alphabetical order): Cat Deeley, Emma Willis (pictured), and Jamelia.
Birmingham has its own symphony orchestra. Not only that, but it was the first city to construct a Catholic cathedral following the Protestant Reformation (this will appeal to foreign players). And Tony Hancock was from there. He’s funny.
It’s a hotbed of musical talent. The home of Heavy Metal – Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, Napalm Death – and Cod Reggae – UB40 – it also gave the world the 1980s power pop combo, Duran Duran. Here they are performing their most thrillingly macho song: