A big old list

A load of things and people that defined 2010

Happy New Year!

Fireworks

Happy New Year, one and all. May 2011 be met with a bunch of pointless resolutions that’ll go flying out of the window within a week!

To celebrate, after the jump, you’ll find a rather higgledy-piggledy summation of the year just gone, consisting solely of things that shall forever remind The Spoiler of 2010. Feel free to add your thoughts in the comments section.

Have a great one. The Spoiler shall be back on Tuesday.

Attacking midfielders

Iniesta

The popularity of attacking midfielders mightn’t be a new thing, but the weight of expectation to score as many goals as strikers is now pretty much a given. Have they ever been more important to a football team? Cristiano Ronaldo, Messi, Gerrard, Iniesta, Nasri, the resurgent Gareth Bale, Robben… we could go on, but won’t.

Here are the 10 best goals of 2010.

Mobile phones

Larissa

Mobile phones have had a surprisingly big year in the world of football – whether they be loaded with crude pictures/angry text messages from Ashley Cole, or nestled between a set of large breasts from Paraguay, courtesy of Larissa Riquelme – the real star of the disappointing World Cup.

Here are 10 suggestions that could improve Ashley Cole’s profile. And here’s Larissa posing for Playboy!

Bad punditry

Shearer and Lineker

Much work should be done on Match of the Day in 2011. It has rather fallen from its perch over the last few months – thanks in no small part to searching for pundits by prodding around the murkier areas of the gene pool with a shitty stick, and coming up with Alan Shearer. Great player, phenomenal stater-of-the-obvious. What’s that, Alan? Goals win football matches? Riiiight.

Here’s a list of the brainiest quotes of the year.

Roundness

Jabulani

Who knew that a football could be too round? And yet, after years spent by eggheads in a hideaway lab constructing the Jabulani football (pictured with Shakira) – the roundest circle ever! – professional World Cup footballers simply couldn’t cope. Too round, they said. Way too round. Next time, give them a Rubik’s Cube.

Here are 10 World Cup mistakes made by England.

Hot Dutch women

Dutch fans

It might have cost him, but lean back and give a well-natured slow hand clap to Robbie Earle for shamelessly doling out free World Cup tickets to hot Dutch women in sexy orange dresses.

Here are 20 stunning World Cup pictures.

Bad politics

Without wanting to spend too much time getting worked up about it, 2010 has not been Fifa’s finest hour. Possibly their worst yet. So much so that were you to leave a disgruntled student rioter in a basement with one bullet, Sepp Blatter (in the above video) and Nick Clegg, you’d see some serious protractor work.

Here are 8 reasons why England should have won the World Cup bid. And here’s 9 pictures of Gordon Brown with footballers.

Kung Fu

As expected the World Cup was won by Spain. But not before Holland had atomic bombed all memories of Cruyff and Total Football by turning the whole thing into a massive fight. Nigel de Jong, take a bow.

Angry parents

Konchesky Twitter

A late entry, thanks to an explosive Twitter rant from Mrs Konchesky, and today’s news that Sir Alex has removed his loan players from Preston after they royally landed a boot on little Darren’s behind and gave him his marching orders.

Prostitutes

proz-pic.jpg

Women of the night have never had it so good. No real surprise that the boy Rooney was caught out for rogering a harlot – given his history of steamrollering grannies for cash – but football’s gentleman, Peter Crouch? What a shocker! He later apologised by putting a baby in Abbey Clancy’s tummy.

Here’s a list of 10 lessons to take away from these tawdry sex scandals. And here’s 10 footballers who definitely wouldn’t pay for it.

U-turns

Rooney

After an atrocious World Cup, and the paying-for-sex scandals, Rooney further endeared himself to supporters by holding Man United to ransom. As you’d expect, it totally paid off, so now Carlos Tevez – already used to playing second fiddle to Wazza – thought he’d give it a pop too. It could be catching.

Here are 6 suggestions on how to keep Tevez happy.

Vuvuzelas

vuvuzela

Within seconds of kick off at the World Cup, members of the crowd could be seen holding their noses and blowing out their cheeks in a bid to stop the strange buzzing in their heads. The realisation that it was just the sound of a million vuvuzelas being played at once was met with relief followed shortly by fury. The world’s most annoying musical instrument.

Here is our list of 10 Possible Replacements for the vuvuzela.

Ian Holloway

Football has long been waiting for the next Brian Clough. Is this him?

Here’s 10 tetchy football manager moments.

Jinxed Liverpool managers

Benitez and Hodgson

The last few months have proved to be a trying time for Liverpool managers past and present. Hodgson is making a total mess of things at Anfield, whilst Benitez managed to attract the Italian loafer much sooner than expected, and Houlier isn’t exactly blowing minds over at Villa. Roy Evans would be wise to avoid coming out of retirement.

Here are 5 useful facts about Liverpool. Plus, 10 things more miserable than Graeme Souness.

Multi-talented wives and girlfriends

Alex Curran

After a topsy-turvy year for WAGs – with Cheryl reclaiming civilian status, and all of that nonsense with street crawlers being paid to shag their husbands – workhorses like Alex Gerrard and Coleen Rooney have managed to salvage some hope for the future by fashioning themselves as quite astonishingly prolific businesswomen. Both professional perfumiers, fashion designers – next they’ll be writing BOOKS!

Here’s a short list of women scorned. And here’s an homage to Cheryl and Ashley.

Handshakes

Bridge and JT

Wayne Bridge made a stand against the man who boffed his “baby mama” by ignoring his outstretched hand in the Chelsea/Man City match. A hunch suggests that JT didn’t lose too much sleep over that.

Here’s 5 reasons why John Terry should die happy.

Any more for any more? Let us know with a comment…


3 responses so far
  • arcade.zen // January 1, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    2010 – The year which Spain and Russis bribed themselves . You need prove, read this…

    http://johnny-ong.blogspot.com/2010/05/is-world-cup-2010-fixed.html

  • Really? // January 4, 2011 at 11:14 am

    Meh, who cares about the World Cup farce, that was so last year.

    This piece gets bonus points for highlighting the genius at work that is Ian Holloway!

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