Hard Times

Joe Cole’s astonishing fall from grace gets even worse

At one time, he was basically England’s Ronaldinho, but this week little Joey Cole was named in the Liverpool side to face Man City in the LANCASHIRE SENIOR CUP – a competition chiefly made up of small children hoping to one day make it as professional footballers. Half of them haven’t even had a single arm sleeved in tattoos yet. Let alone steamrollered a lapdancer.

Should this rapid descent continue, Joe could conceivably find himself crouching down on all fours in the Anfield changing rooms shining Dirk Kuyt’s boots for a living.

Can you remember a more disturbing career collapse? Let us know with a comment.

21 responses so far
  • Dean // January 20, 2011 at 11:34 am

    This is a very silly piece of ‘journalism’! Does the writer not know that playing 45 minutes in a reserve game is a standard way of aiding first team players’ return to fitness following injury? Cole has been out with an ankle injury. Not dropped, but injured. This is a non-story! And why so keen to diss Joe Cole?

  • RVP15 // January 20, 2011 at 11:39 am

    Hahahahahhaha…just as well they got him on a 4 year contact. By yr 4 he could be the busdriver for the youth academy!!!

  • dood // January 20, 2011 at 11:41 am

    Yup. He needs all the time he can get to improve fitness levels and match sharpness (well as far as these games can provide).


  • Ryan // January 20, 2011 at 11:47 am

    As Dean wrote earlier, the writer probably doesn’t have anything else to write about. What a lazy piece of journalism?!! Joe Cole has been injured since he joined us and as soon as he got back to about 60% fitness he would get injured or pick up a knock again. The reason he played in that game is to build his fitness up. Articles so poor my 16 year old brother could’ve done a better job!

  • MB LFC // January 20, 2011 at 11:51 am

    This article is hilarious and a good poke at JC. I’m sure the author knows enough about football to know that he played reserves to get match fitness… if I was a Chelsea fan i’d be p*ssed at him for leaving on a free just like I was with McManaman when he went on a free to Real Madrid..

  • Dave // January 20, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    The spoiler used to be my “go-to” place for funny stories and football news.
    Since the change of editor it has turned into a waste of internet space, full of “gossip” borrowed from twitter and pointless stories about issues that dont even exist. Today is the day I delete it from my bookmarks. Real shame.

  • JoshBurt // January 20, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    Apologies for wasting your time, Dave. I hope you find what you’re looking for.

  • Dave // January 20, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    All i want josh is a light hearted place to read football news, jokes, funny stories etc. The Joe Cole story is ridiculous, thats not even a story, he is regaining fitness by playing for the reserves, that is common practice in football and has been since the dawn of time!

    Balotellis twitter rant isnt news, thats just silly gossip, copying Piennars twitter status isnt news either, we’ve all seen that on twitter & letting us know Wayne Bridge had a chinese for his tea is more suited to page 84 of heat.

    Saying all that though, the old man doing sexy dancing was possibly the highlight of my week.

  • JoshBurt // January 20, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    Thanks for the comment Dave. Without feeling too much need to defend what I post, I don’t think that it should be assumed that EVERYONE has seen things on Twitter – not everyone uses the thing. And as for Balotelli, a glance to the right at “this months top posts” may suggest that there is some interest there – just perhaps not from you. The world of football and what is interesting about it is a rather subjective one I find. I haven’t looked at page 84 of Heat, so can’t comment on further coverage about Wayne Bridge’s delicious Chinese meal with the in-laws (I wonder what he had, don’t you?). I am glad, however, that you liked the sexy old man.

  • Dave // January 20, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    Fair play Josh, I agree not everyone uses twitter (altho I bet media/journos cant believe their luck, suddenly theres a site that does half their work for them!). As for the Balotelli thing, it beats me why that is even news, nevermind a top post, but if its bringing traffic to the site I can see why your happy to go with that kind of story.

    I have also never read Heat, nevermind got to page 84 and I actually doubt it has that many pages but if I was a West Ham fan Id be more worried by his disastrous debut (which could form a post in itself, he cant be the only one to suffer such a terrible first game. Woodgate anyone?) than whether he had a spring roll or crispy duck.
    Any follow up on the old man? I did notice he clutched his chest just before he sat down, hope he is ok.

    Maybe my original post was harsh, I just feel bad for Joe Cole, he’s trying his best!

  • Roy Hodgson // January 20, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    Let me be the first to say that Joe Cole is not trying his best….

  • JoshBurt // January 20, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    Dave, you haven’t been studying the site hard enough – http://www.thespoiler.co.uk/index.php/2011/01/17/its-official-wayne-bridge-needs-extra-football-classes

    I yearn for the old Joe Cole too. We all do!

  • Dave // January 20, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    Nice to see you one step ahead Josh.

    How ironic that someone named Roy Hodgson is calling someone else rubbish. Joe Cole has been unlucky with suspensions and injuries, he is still a great player though but is a luxury this current Liverpool team cant afford at the moment. I still think the old Joe Cole will be back soon enough.

  • Nutter // January 20, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    I think Dave should be made to leave, like he said he was going to.

  • MB LFC // January 20, 2011 at 9:37 pm

    C’mon guys lighten up.. I wouldn’t like for young kids to be reading about lapdances or getting down on all fours but … I wish Joe Cole would read this maybe would put a bit of fire in his belly. Just what he needs!

  • cisse // January 21, 2011 at 12:09 am

    joe est le meilleur joueur que j ai vu dans ma vie alors je pense qu il reviendra à son meilleur niveau

  • Casper von Hamsterfanny // January 21, 2011 at 9:06 am

    I am going to go on record and say that I enjoy JoshBurt’s posts. Some are straight-out hilarious/ridiculous…some are solid pieces of sports writing and others are just titillating (emphasis on the first syllable) tidbits with a tenuous connection to football. Regardless…I enjoy it and I think JoshBurt is doing a fine job as editor. (And JoshBurt…looks like the most “ridiculous” post according to Dave has garnered the most attention. Keep up the good work!)

  • Isaac // January 21, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    I read page 84 of Heat magazine the other day, it was an advert for some hair products.
    Good times.

  • Dave // January 21, 2011 at 12:24 pm

    Glad to see the debate is rumbling on.

    Nutter: Sounds fair to me.
    MB LFC: Fire in Joe Coles belly is the last thing he needs, he is a sensitive guy.
    Cisse: Well put
    Casper: I also enjoy Joshs posts when they are accurate. The thing about the Joe Cole story is that its not a story, its massive hyperbole based on a non-event.
    Isaac: Glad you cleared that up, my bad.

  • JoshBurt // January 21, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    Can we go back to talking about how good I am, please?

  • Parke // January 21, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    Got to admit it you are pretty damn good Josh. And nutter has got a point there dave. Gotta go!

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