Sex News

Red faced shame rains down on Ashley Cole

Ashley’s ex upgrades…

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Back in the olden days – before modern technology demanded that we all chart one another’s progress through life – a relationship would end, you’d cry yourself to sleep for a few weeks, and then convince yourself that either: a. She will never love again. Or b. She will at least never find anyone as magnificent as you.

All of which makes today’s hot romance news a DOUBLE cock-punch for Ashley Cole.

On the back of a rampant five-week sex festival with Kayla Collins, Cole has not only been ditched, but the former Hugh Hefner muse has reportedly instantly upgraded her lovelife by going out with one of those tanned things from The Only Way is Essex – specifically Mark Wright. Named in homage to the former-Liverpool centre back.

The pair were spotted playing a lighthearted game of bridge at Faces nightclub in Essex – before it all escalated into a sexual frenzy of crotch rubbing, and tongues wrestling like angry worms in full view of a bemused VIP section. Presumably.

Meanwhile, over in America, Cheryl Cole was cackling to herself, whilst her hunky ballroom dancer boyfriend kindly platted her hair and mouthed along to Celine Dion.


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