The Spoiler’s Great January transfer review
Kayla – Happy
The Spoiler had just about got over the excitement of yesterday’s absolutely crazy transfer nonsense when we opened our Sun to read that Kayla Collins likes British men! C’mon! Oompf! Get in!
That news almost tipped Spoiler HQ over the edge as hoards of us LADS ran out into the streets screaming in joy. First Cheryl Cole becomes single, then Kelly Brook, now this! It really is a magical time to be a LAD.
Anyway, to calm ourselves down we had an in-depth think about the January transfer window and came up with this list of the winners, losers and other stuff…
Best Buy – Darren Bent
He was a pretty good buy before yesterday’s proletariat-mocking big money spending, but now £18m looks to be an absolute bloody bargain. Andy Carrol cost Liverpool roughly £2.5million per Premier League goal, by that logic Bent is worth around £205 million – OMG! Someone call the police, Sunderland have been robbed!
Worst Buy – Andy Carroll
We may end up being wrong and, if we are, The Spoiler will accept it with all the grace and humility you’d expect. In fact, a note has been made of the title of this piece so The Spoiler can bring it up if Carroll goes on to prove his worth. But for now – £35 million?! Pah!
Biggest Bargain – Antonio Cassano
His falling out with Sampdoria chairman Riccardo Garrone in October pretty much ended his career with the Italian side and has now moved to Serie A leaders AC Milan for €5 million (half of which will go to Real Madrid). Milan have bagged themselves a bargain and Cassano looks set to get revenge on Sampdoria with a Serie A title and some invites to Silvio Berlusconi’s bunga-bunga parties.
Best Loan Deal – Daniel Sturridge
Bolton’s form hasn’t exactly been tip-top in recent weeks but this could be the signing to get them moving in the right direction again. It looks pretty good for everyone from The Spoiler’s point of view – Bolton get a quality player who should link up well Kevin Davies and Johan Elmander, Sturridge gets regular football and Chelsea get the chance to see what he can do in a Premier League team who did wonders for Jack Wilshere last term.
Biggest Loser – Paul Konchesky/Charlie Adam
Just five months after joining Liverpool, Konchesky is out on his arse to Championship side Nottingham Forest – what will his Mum have to say about that?
Nobody likes to see players handing in transfer requests, but if Liverpool or Spurs come a-knocking at your door you’ve got to try take them up on the offer, don’t you? Hopefully Adam will continue his good form and get another chance at a move in the summer – his form this season (and last) deserves a nice move and nicer pay-day.
It was also pretty bad for a couple of Sky Sports presenters.
Biggest Winner – Emmanuel Adebayor/Mike Ashley
When he wasn’t sitting on the Manchester City bench, Adebayor was fighting with his teammates IN THE COLD. Now he’ll be sitting on the bench at Real Madrid and fighting with his teammates IN THE WARM – winner.
You’d have to be very cynical to think that not every penny Andy Carroll’s transfer fee will be spent on improving the squad in the summer. Mike Ashley will definitely spend it all on aging pros and promising youngsters rather than spunking it away down the casino or allowing it to get swallowed up by ‘running costs.’
We’re wrong aren’t we? Shout us down with a comment below…