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Ronaldo was still great even when he had “accelerated evacuations”

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The Spoiler can say with some certainty that there will have been a moment in your adult life when you’ve thought ‘bloody hell, I’m a fully grown adult and I’m actually going to go to the toilet in my trousers.’ Horrible, innit?

You may have been stuck on the posh London underground, on a bus, or maybe you just couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed. Whatever the scenario, it’s gonna be embarrassing. People may look at you, but you’ll never be able to look at yourself again.

So imagine how worrisome it must be if you get that rumbling in your stomach standing in front of thousands of people. With all their eyes glued on you…

The Real Ronaldo (everyone likes him being called that, yes?) was playing in the 1999 Copa America when… Actually, we’ll let former Brazil boss, Vanderlei Luxemburgo take up the story.

Speaking in Spanish paper, Marca, he said:

“Ronaldo was overweight coming into the 1999 Copa America so we tried to help him lose a few kilos. The Doctor prescribed him with something called Xenical which was effective but accelerated evacuations.

“Therefore, to avoid incidents he was forced to wear nappies. El Fenómeno had complained a lot about having to play in these conditions but let me remind everyone that he scored goals like he always did and went on to be top scorer in the tournament which we won.”

A bit gross, but completely commendable. Well done, Mr Ronaldo.

God he was great.

5 responses so far
  • Ricky // February 21, 2011 at 6:59 pm

    Some second rate manager with no staying power what so ever trying to humiliate the greatest striker ive ever seen play in the wake of his retirement? Disgusting!!

    Luis Ronaldo is a king

  • Kamal // February 22, 2011 at 3:56 am

    the guy played great even while he was overweight and wearing diapers, wat a fuking legend.

  • truth // February 22, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    saddest career ever

  • Anthony // February 22, 2011 at 11:56 pm

    I don’t care what anyone has to say about Ronaldo. I’m 26 years old and he is the greatest player I’ve ever had the privilege of watching.

  • hooplehead // February 24, 2011 at 8:30 am

    Perhaps Liverpool are all on Xenecal?

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